So.... I'm Adopted Podcast!
This podcast creates a space for genuine conversations about adoption, where emotions are acknowledged, journeys are reconciled, and a healthy acceptance of truths is fostered. Delve into the impact of adoption on all parties involved, gaining insights from adoptees, adoptive parents, biological parents, as well as professional psychologists and social workers. Explore the realities, reconciliation processes, and ongoing dynamics of adoption.
So.... I'm Adopted Podcast!
Resilience and Self-Discovery in Adoption Journeys
Imagine uncovering hidden family truths and forming unbreakable bonds across unexpected paths. Join us, John and Lisa, in a heartfelt exploration of adoption, identity, and the relationships that shape our lives. This episode features the inspiring Kalila Scott Sumners, who offers a deeply personal glimpse into her adoption journey. From being embraced as a "chosen child" to the emotional complexities of meeting biological family members, Kalila's story is one of resilience, love, and self-discovery. Listen as we highlight the significance of maintaining a positive narrative about one's origins and the journey of reconnecting with biological roots.
Kalila's candid reflections reveal the joys and challenges of adoption, emphasizing the importance of understanding one's lineage, especially during major life events like marriage and pregnancy. As we share our own personal growth stories and aspirations for 2025, we also honor notable adoption figures such as Josephine Baker and President Gerald Ford. Their stories, along with Kalila's, demonstrate the profound connections and unique experiences fostered through adoption. This episode sheds light on the emotional journeys of adoptees, the yearning for familial connection, and the unexpected blessings that come with navigating these complex relationships.
Explore the intricate dynamics of adoption and family as we discuss the challenges of uncovering hidden truths and the emotional struggles tied to meeting biological parents. We delve into the universal longing for belonging and the balance between loyalty to adoptive families and acceptance from biological roots. Through personal anecdotes and powerful exchanges, we underscore the need for support, understanding, and celebrating the enduring resilience of adoptive families. Join us for an illuminating conversation on the unbreakable bonds formed through adoption and the lifelong impact on identity and relationships.
Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood
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Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk everything adoption. This journey is not one we take alone. Together, we grapple with raw emotions that surface from adoption stories. We want you to be comfortable enough to heal, so sit back and go with us on this journey as we dive deep into adoption. Welcome to another episode of so I'm Adopted. I'm John.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lisa.
Speaker 1:And we want to welcome you to our newest episode on the podcast. Thank you again for investing time. Hit that like button. Hit that share button to our newest episode on the podcast. Thank you again for investing time. Hit that like button, hit that share button. This is an opportunity for just individuals to talk about non-traditional relationships. This started with a, and I always give Lisa the credit for being the brainchild of this. Yeah, she was consistent and that's why we are here doing what we do. So again, thank you, you're welcome. Happy new year. Happy New Year.
Speaker 1:This is the first time that we are sitting down in 2025.
Speaker 2:Yes, and we're looking for great things to take place in 2025.
Speaker 1:I'm excited, absolutely. Any New Year's resolutions or anything. Do you do that?
Speaker 2:No, I don't really do that.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, any New Year's changes or promises or things that you're going to do?
Speaker 2:differently. Continue doing this, and one of the things I did say was try and be more intentional with the relationships with my biological siblings. Awesome, what about you.
Speaker 1:So one is my health. I actually went to the doctor today. I have AFib, just FYI, and yeah. But my doctor today was like you've lost 40 pounds, okay, my blood pressure was 112 over 72. And he said I don't need to see you for two years. And this is my cardio. Oh good, was ecologist, whatever, it's the heart doctor, that's what we call it cardiology, yeah, cardiologist. So he said everything's good, you don't have any signs or symptoms okay um, you know.
Speaker 2:So continue doing what you do and I go back in two years well, that's a great praise report right there, absolutely, so that is me good job trying to make sure that my health is good.
Speaker 1:Okay, the other thing and it was just confirmed like three situations a day. I got to do something with regards to men's mental health. That is my, that's what I'm landing on. I got to figure out how to do it, so I'm speaking it so that I can be held accountable to it. That's good so be looking for something with that with regards to embedding the spiritual aspect, the mental health aspect and then the behavioral aspect. That's good, John, that's really good. I think that is the cape that I'm going to be wearing.
Speaker 2:But I'm excited about what you know. We have some things that we are thinking about doing this year. Oh, absolutely so, you know. Stay tuned, as the year continues to progress. Even though it's January, it's almost about February. This month is almost over.
Speaker 1:February is a great year. I mean a great month. Is that your birthday month? Birthday month, it's our guest's birthday month too. Oh, okay. And Jayla's birthday month? Oh, birthday month, it's our guest birthday month too, but okay, and jayla's birthday month? Oh, it's my mom's birthday month, yeah, good stuff, yeah, so who's your famous person? We always start our podcast with a famous adoptive person, just to bring some light to um individuals in the culture. Yes, so who's your famous person?
Speaker 2:so this time I took someone who was an adoptive parent.
Speaker 1:OK, all right.
Speaker 2:And Josephine Baker. Oh, she adopted 12 children and she called them her rainbow tribe because she she adopted them from various different places.
Speaker 1:But you know, josephine Baker, the famous singer Dip the toe in the water. Shut it down.
Speaker 2:Shut it down and she was a spy. She was a spy at the time. So I'm trying to figure out would she have time to adopt 12 kids.
Speaker 1:I remember the Josephine Baker story on HBO. I had to sneak and watch it. I don't want to eat the fruit. You know what?
Speaker 2:I'm saying that was a powerful song.
Speaker 1:That's a good one. I did not know that about her, my person, and I'm going to read it because it floored me. Their name is Leslie Lynch King Jr, but you know who this person is. He was adopted when he was 16 days old and his parents went their separate ways. A couple of years later, king's mother remarried and they changed Leslie Lynch King Jr's name to Gerald Rudolph Ford Jr. Really yeah, that's right, I mean President Ford.
Speaker 2:President Ford, yes, really yeah that's right, general, I mean President Ford Really had no clue, wow.
Speaker 1:Had no clue. It's always a nugget. You never know who's in the culture.
Speaker 2:You don't know. You don't know, or a contributor of the you know, or a supporter of the culture. That's right, josephine Baker, that floored me.
Speaker 1:Yes, and again, it's all about the non-traditional relationships and this platform to bring light to it and give us a safe space for people to talk about it and ask questions, because one thing that we don't do in our culture is we don't ask questions and we sweep things under the rug. So that's why I'm just excited about this platform and I'm just always going to say thank you for pushing to make it a reality.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you for accepting the challenge. Absolutely yes.
Speaker 1:Yes. So today we have a guest, a good friend of mine from Hampton University. Ok, kalila, I always call her Kay Scott. She's married. I don't want to be disrespectful. She's always Kay Scott in my heart, but her name is Kalila Scott Sumners, and it's so interesting.
Speaker 1:We met after I stopped playing football and we were in class together and it just was an organic relationship where it was that sister brother vibe, an organic relationship where it was that sister brother vibe and I remember we had class together. Then I ended up seeing her at the ebony showcase. That's a whole different conversation. We just were we're vibing, because we had a lot of things that were parallel and normally as a male you don't find a young lady that has that type of mentality where her dad had made sure that she was on top of her game. Okay, she was very much locked in and you couldn't run willie bobo on her. So when we got to to talk and it was just like, oh, that's how you think, that's how I think. And then it became like she was the secondary mother because she'd be like John, what you doing, you need to be doing X, y and Z.
Speaker 2:She kept you straight Straight and narrow.
Speaker 1:She kept me straight and narrow and she just always had that ability. Even after we graduated she got married and I got married. We still were bonding and I remember when she told me that you know she had found her first family. Okay, in that journey we both identified early on and I'm sure maybe she can remember when that conversation first came up about adoption. But that was like the icing on the cake, just us being just parallel spirits, her family I love him dearly, my family got there dearly and it was just a perfect, perfect mix. I'm excited for her to come on and share her story.
Speaker 2:I'm excited to hear it. Her story is amazing.
Speaker 3:Let's get her on in here.
Speaker 1:Thank you, first and foremost, for coming on. Thank you for having me. I was saving the bag. I was like I know I got one. The big joke I'm going to play. I'm going to wait and save it.
Speaker 3:Come on first of the year.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's right.
Speaker 1:So I'm trying to remember. Do you remember how the conversation came up about us both sharing that we were adopted?
Speaker 3:I think, just like you said when you all were doing your intro, we always had a just like a brother sister relationship. There was never anything crazy. It was always John's my brother, I'm his sister and we're going to look out for each other. And I was there from Ohio in Virginia, and his family was close in Richmond, and so there was a weekend or two where he would say come home with me, you can sleep in my room, I'll sleep wherever you slept, I don't even know I was in your room, I'll sleep in the other room. I don't know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it was like you can wash your clothes. My mom's going to cook a Sunday dinner. I think I might have gone to church once or twice and we just maybe had a conversation on your parents' back deck about just where we, how we got to Hampton, what it looks like, and I and I know like I'm an open book, and I probably said, yeah, you know I'm adopted and I I feel like I remember you being like I am too, but it was like a whisper not a whisper and I didn't understand that, because within my family it was an open, uh conversation.
Speaker 3:Just no, my parents always said you're a chosen child. We didn't just accidentally fall into the you. You know, we had to work and we had, we had to go to these classes and do these things. So adoption for me was always something that I wore very proudly.
Speaker 1:But I remember that you being like just don't say it too loud- you know what I'm reflecting back, and I think there was a period in college where I didn't know how to address it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, whereas I grew up with it as an open conversation.
Speaker 1:Now I grew up with it being open, so everybody knew. But I didn't have to be honest. You may have been the first person that I met that was adopted.
Speaker 3:Or that was openly adopted.
Speaker 1:No just that I could have a conversation with, that was wrestling, or that was adopted.
Speaker 3:Like trying wrestling, because at that point there was no, it was just. You know how it feels to be adopted. You're a person and you live in a family that loves you and cares for you and nurtures you and gives you every opportunity, cares for you and nurtures you and gives you every opportunity, but there's no one that quite looks like you. There's no one that quite has the same toes or fingernails or just those small things that you just look for, um, and so I think that that deepened our bond in a way that was like oh okay, so we can really talk about feeling lost in the space where we should feel safe.
Speaker 2:Right, because y'all can relate to each other. Yeah, so how old were you when you, I guess when they first told you how old were you, and how old were you when they adopted you?
Speaker 3:I was in foster care from birth to nine months. My bio mom left me at the hospital. From birth to nine months, my bio mom left me at the hospital. So I was in foster care in Kentucky for about nine months and at that time in the seventies, they were trying to place black families or black children with black families. There was a white family that wanted to adopt me. My parents came in and said, nope, that's our girl.
Speaker 3:And so that white family did not have the opportunity to adopt me, although they had fostered me from probably A week until I was nine months. But my mother, who was a social worker and had gone through the process and learned very early you need to tell her her story before she finds out. You need to tell her her story before she finds out. So I always knew there were bedtime stories of you were chosen. Yes, you know, I'm not your belly mom, but me and your dad saw you and we wanted you and my dad wanted a boy. His name was going to be Khalil, hence they just added an A-H. They didn't even get Khalil. I was like really, wow, okay, so it was. It was always a story that was very open within my family, or like my nuclear family Now, my mom's, my, my mom's, my mom's mom, my grandmother, my aunts and them. No one really spoke about Kalila being adopted. She was just ours. No one really spoke about Kalilah being adopted.
Speaker 2:She was just ours.
Speaker 3:So nobody in the family ever spoke about it, but my mom, my dad and I. It was not a secret, gotcha.
Speaker 1:So I heard you say your belly mom. Is that what you said? Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2:I've never heard that phrase before, but I love it Because she spoke to you in the age that you were Right as a little girl.
Speaker 3:It was. I'm not your belly mom, but your belly mom really did a. You know. She always in my mind and John knows this, and I've told this story before. I always thought my biological mom was obviously Whitney Houston, because I'm gorgeous in my brain, right?
Speaker 2:It's.
Speaker 3:Whitney, I would have introduced y'all to her. But I say that to say my parents did such a good job of allowing me to understand that my biological mom made the greatest sacrifice that she could ever make to make sure that they were parents. She was never vilified. It was never. You know, she was this poor girl who didn't want you and couldn't take care of you. It was always. She's the greatest person in the world. Who else would do this? Who else would make the sacrifice? And so I was a Whitney fan, so I just thought it was her.
Speaker 2:Okay, can you sing like Whitney? I would I would be somewhere. I'm a huge. I'm from Jersey, whitney's from my husband's from Jersey.
Speaker 3:I'm a huge I'm a huge Whitney fan. If I could sing, I would be somewhere living life other than being Hamptonians, we got something else in common.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I'm a fan.
Speaker 3:Yes, me too. I used to tell people just call me Nippy. But that's that thing that you do as an adopted child you want to hang your hat somewhere. And so you figure out in your mind oh, you make up stories because there was no story. Although I found out that there was a story, there was a whole, that whole non-identifying medical information that you have access to it was there.
Speaker 3:I think that my parents just felt like we want to build this life with her and make sure that she's safe before she accesses that information, and so I didn't get to that.
Speaker 1:Did they notice the story before you found out? Oh, yeah. Okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So that's where the protection part came in, I guess.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and as much as a teenager in my mind, I would think you know when you get in trouble or something happens, you're not even my mama, You're not even my dad.
Speaker 3:I never said that out loud but in my mind, like my mama would have let me go to the skating rink because she's cool, you know cause you make that other person just this, you know person that would do and be amazing. But I'm, as I look back, I'm glad that I didn't have access to that information, because I wasn't emotionally intelligent or self-aware at the time to deal with the repercussions of what may come with knowing that information.
Speaker 1:Right, right. So let's let's jump into. You are young girl, you already know. Were there any times because it was so normalized, because it was so positively spoken about? Were there any times that outside peers, friends or family members created an opportunity where it was a dig or something negative with it?
Speaker 3:Never, never. It was such a I think my mother had such a fertility journey, um, because they didn't get me until they were 35 and 36 so at that time that was a little older to be having children and my mother had been through um, ivf and and you know rhythm method and all the things to try to have a baby. So I think by the time I came into the family it was thank God, you know, we have this baby. I look very much like my parents. John knows my mom. I look very much like her, my mom. I look very much like her. People used to tease her that she told my daddy that I wasn't, that she went somewhere and got pregnant. I was very much like my mother, which is the craziest thing. I do remember that my mother would say that my father's mother would tell her you couldn't even have a kid oh wow.
Speaker 3:So that was her wound. She never my grandmother on my dad's side never treated me any differently. But as I got older my mother would say my, your, my mother-in-law would always say and you couldn't even make a baby. Say and you couldn't even make a baby. Oh, that's so hurtful. So for her that was a wound that I didn't experience. Thankfully, I never experienced that. You're not ours, you're not our blood, never that. And if it did happen, my parents a hundred percent shielded me from that.
Speaker 2:Right, Right. So at what age did you start to be curious as to who you know, your biological family?
Speaker 3:was. I think we're always curious, but I think it did. It wasn't relevant to my life until I got married and we started thinking about having children and I had a miscarriage. And then I had my 21 year old and so when I was pregnant with her, it was kind of touch and go and I was like, wow, I wonder if anybody in my biological families experienced this thing, cause there was no, was no. You know, I didn't have any medical issues, none of that. So I had no medical uh history. So you know, you go in and you put NA on everything because you don't even know that's right um, and got through that pregnancy, everything was fine.
Speaker 3:Then I had four miscarriages between my 21 year old and my 15 year old, and when I got pregnant with him I was like, okay, I'm tired of this NA stuff. I need to figure out what's going on because, quite honestly, I want a little boy. I was like I need a boy. You know, we got one of each. We got a boy, we got a girl. God don't make no other flavors. So let's figure out what's going on. And so when I was pregnant with my now 15-year-old is when I got really busy and I hired a private investigator. Do you remember that show, troy the Locator. All adoptees love that show. Every adoptee I ever talked to was like, oh my God, yes, I cry.
Speaker 3:One of the investigators on Troy the locator is a private investigator in her own right, and so I hired her. Ok, I hired her when I was pregnant with my son. I was about six months pregnant with him and I hired a private investigator because I couldn't, I didn't have access to. You know, all adoptions prior to 1980 were closed, right. And so I didn't have any information and it wasn't open. It wasn't. Like you know, I didn't, I don't know, maybe I went the easy route. I didn't search and do all the things that I could have done, so I hired a private investigator is what I did.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So with now you're at a place where you are having your. Well, let me back up with you being in the adoption world. How do you think it impacted you as a wife? Did it have any impacts?
Speaker 3:I think my husband was always aware that there was this unspoken potential medical problem. You know, when you lose children, you lose children, you lose children. And I'm like I don't even. You know, I'm just a normal 26, 27, 28, 29, 33. When I finally had Mason, um, you're old, and so what's going on? Um? At the same time, in his own life, he had some um challenges with his birth father.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:And I think, and and not that he wasn't adopted out or anything like that, but I think me taking the initiative and going the steps and figuring out what is my biological lineage really encouraged him to to reach back and and create a relationship with his father, which he did. That's awesome, which was huge, yeah. So there's a, there's a kind of crazy candy story that I'll tell if, if I can the the lady that I hired as a private investigator Her name was Linda and she got all my information Say this was January-ish of 2009. So she called me on um in February, like February 22nd 2009, because my birthday is the 26th. So I remember, because you know, you just remember.
Speaker 3:And so she said you know you're adopted through this which I knew, um this Lutheran social services. This is your birth mom's name dah, dah, dah, dah dah. So I call Lutheran Social Services on the phone and I said hey, my name is Kalila Sumners or Scott Sumners. I was adopted in March of 78. And you know, I'm looking for my non-identifying medical information because I didn't have it at the time. The lady on the phone says are your parents Henry and Pat?
Speaker 1:Mm, come on, just like that Come on.
Speaker 2:I said just off of your name.
Speaker 3:I'm at the office and I was like girl, are you the secretary? Why are you asking? How would you know? And she said today is my last day. Oh, I am packing up my office. Our, our secretary is not here, but I remember you, oh. And I said how do you remember me? She said you were the first African American child I adopted out, after as a social worker, after I got my master's Come on oh yeah, that would be significant oh.
Speaker 1:I got chills.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 3:He said I remember you, your mom and dad. Your dad was a teacher. He was going on to study to be an administrator. I always knew my dad to be a principal, Right, I'm like, yeah, knew my whole family story but couldn't share anything with me because it was closed. Her name was Linda, so Linda the locator, and then the social worker or the private detective found my biological mother.
Speaker 3:Her name was Linda. I said what the hell? So it was just one of those God things. It really was like the right moment when I picked up the phone and said I should call. It was just like that. And so when I got that information from the social worker or the private detective who had found my biological mother, she said you know, this is her information, this is who she is, this is her phone number. I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't call her.
Speaker 2:This is who she is. This is her phone number. I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't call her.
Speaker 3:I mean, what do I say? So they didn't like call her first, because we know what a private investigator, because it was the investigator found her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's like here's the information, you do it. What you want versus a social worker who has to follow certain things.
Speaker 3:She said I wish I could help you, I just can't Follow certain things. She said I wish I could help you, I just can't. And so I had my biological, biological mother's phone number, for that was like the 22nd.
Speaker 3:I had it for about seven days and just kept it by my bedside and really prayed about it. Went out for my birthday, came back home the 27th or 28th and I called. She answered and I said may I speak to Linda? And she said yeah, yeah, yeah, this is her. You know who's this? And I said my name's Kalila. I think that I'm your daughter, but maybe not, because you never know what space somebody's in. And that was a bold call to make. Anyway.
Speaker 1:But I can see you doing that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because you know me. And she's like no, I didn't have a daughter. And I said, ok, well, if you did, because if I did I would want to know that that child is safe, because if I did, I would want to know that that child is safe. I said I am safe. I have a six year old daughter. I have a little boy on the way he's doing June. And if this is not a good time for you, that's fine. But if I were in your shoes I don't know if these are the shoes that you're in, but I want to know that my daughter is safe. I had a great life.
Speaker 2:And she said your birthday was the 26th. You just gave her too much for her not to say that she had a daughter. Wow, and.
Speaker 3:I said okay. I said if this is not a good time in your life, if you are not in the headspace, if this is not what you want to do, I'm okay. I just want you to know I'm okay and you're okay and I'm okay and that's fine. She said well, give me your phone number. And so I gave her my phone number and she said you know, I have four boys.
Speaker 3:I never told my husband and I don't really know what to do with this, but I knew this day would come. And I don't really know what to do with this, but I knew. I knew this day would come and I don't know what role I should play with you. Wow, and I said well, let's get to know each other, and that's how that went, so let's fast forward.
Speaker 3:Where's your relationship with her today? So a little step back. We talked for like two years just via phone. She was a state over in Kentucky, I was in Ohio and we just talked via phone. I got to know her, she got to know me and she was like wow, your parents sent you to Hampton. Wow, you took ballet. Wow, you modeled. Wow, I could have never done those things.
Speaker 3:And, you know, talked to me a lot about my bio dad and you know, this is who he is and this is what he was and this is why I did what I did. And, um, I come from, or was born in a very small town with like seven black families who kind of all intermarried and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and told me who he was. And I had become Facebook friends with one of her nieces, who is my bio cousin, and she's like, oh my God, you look just like Joe. And I was like, yeah, linda told me that Joe is my dad and she was like, oh, okay, so there's three siblings on his side. So I sent a friend request to my brother, who had like 4,000 friends, and I thought he'll never see me, he'll just accept it and I'll just kind of watch and see if I can see, like who's the auntie, who's the cousin. Oh, that's my grandma.
Speaker 3:You know, I thought I'd do that that on a Tuesday. Say I sent that Tuesday at 530, tuesday at 730. He sends me a private message. Why do you look like me? Oh.
Speaker 3:Excuse me, excuse me, sir, and I was like well, I think I might be your sister, but maybe I'm not. And he said call me. Sent me his phone number, called him on a Wednesday. He said I'm going to tell our granny paternal. He tells her, she gets on the phone and she said you coming to Kentucky because you coming home, oh wow.
Speaker 3:and I'm like now. Mind you, I have a very solid relationship with my family, my parents, but my mom had always said I will help you when you're ready to find your biological family. So that was a Wednesday, saturday we were, my husband and I, were on our way to Kentucky. My mom and dad took my children because we don't know where we're going to. I don't know them. We pull up to my grandmother paternal grandmother's house because at this point Linda had seen the chatter on Facebook. Ok, call me and tell I don't appreciate it.
Speaker 1:I don't appreciate it.
Speaker 3:And I was like, wow, I probably messed up Because I didn't want to out her. But also these people were like, come Right, went to the house in Kentucky, pulled up, and I was like, oh, this is great, this is a baby shower. I'm thinking, oh, my cousins are going to be here, baby girl. And I'm like, oh, this is my cousins, I come in. It's a baby shower for me. I was 34 years old and it was a welcome home baby shower. Flowers, you know, just here's your cousin. This is, I mean, and everybody looked like me.
Speaker 2:I know that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was a. It was a wonderful feeling and, like I said, it's a small town. So Linda knew I was there and she hadn't spoken with me and I was giving her her space. And on the way out she called me and she said I'll meet you at Applebee's. I said OK. So we met on the way out of town and she told my husband because I needed to run to the restroom that's not her, that's not her people. I was raped by five men. Restroom that's not her, that's not her people. I was raped by five men. I just told her that so she could have a story kind of like thing, so I said that to say, wait what she backed it up?
Speaker 3:because now it's like I know this child is here and she looks like those people and I wasn't supposed to be messing with that man. So yeah, so I said that to say she and I do not have a relationship. And you know I pray that someday that is different, before she and I both leave here, because I came from you. You know I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry that you're upset with me, but they asked me to come to Kentucky. You didn't. Now I got a question.
Speaker 2:To this day, as far as you know, she still hasn't told her husband or her four boys or her husband or her four boys.
Speaker 3:Her husband passed a year and a half into our phone conversations so I don't know that she ever told him. But her sons know, because it's one of those towns where everybody's kind of cousins, second, third cousins, so the boys know, and I'm actually. I speak to her sisters. Okay, my aunts are very engaged with me and they say I don't know what's wrong with her, like that's over and done with. You're almost 50 years old and she's still holding on to shame. And I tell them you never know what shame and trauma I caused for her. She hid me her whole senior year, ran track within the band, went three counties over to have me and leave to go back home like nothing happened. That's trauma, yeah. So I probably represent a time in her life where she would like to not think about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she has to sit in that and really, really wrestle with that healing for herself if she wants to heal from it and move forward. But until she does, there's nothing you can do. Do you have a relationship with your brothers From her? Yes, One. Okay.
Speaker 3:One. The other three boys, no Okay.
Speaker 1:Their loyalty lies with her so they don't.
Speaker 3:Right and I can understand that. I am just here because of her and so I'm just grateful. I'm not mad, but I recognize that even at her age I think she's 17 or 18 years older than me it just may be something that she has a process and maybe never will. I'm always open and I'm not your adversary, I'm your daughter.
Speaker 2:And she knows where to find you.
Speaker 3:That's right, I'm always available.
Speaker 1:So, so, let me tell you this I'm listening and I've heard the story, I know it and I'm listening to the things that you said and that, again, this to me reinforces why we're just such kindred spirits of how you were. Very hey, this is what it is. If you're not ready, it's okay. And the fact that, at the end of the day, I was safe and I was good. And that takes the end of the day, I was safe and I was good. And that takes a lot of maturity because and we've discussed how you know you have every right to express and throw out your feelings and just people wrestle with whatever, but to be able to say to the individual I'm good, I'm here whenever you're ready, and at the end of the day, like you said, that's mom, at the end of the day, she gave birth. You know that. Even we've talked about it, it's still that respect level of at the end of the day, regardless of anything else, I'm going to say thank you, because you could have made some other choices Exactly.
Speaker 3:Exactly, and I, you know, I I imagine what it would be like to be a 17 year old girl and feel like you have nobody to talk to and nobody to tell. How do you hide a pregnancy in a house full of people? That tells me something about the parenting that she received, and so I can't imagine that my mom knew if I had a pimple on my face.
Speaker 2:She's like what's wrong with you.
Speaker 3:My parents stayed in my face carrying a child to term in a home with parents and brothers, and sisters and no one acknowledging that something is going on with you.
Speaker 2:So I know with John. He's spoken to his aunts and his aunts filled him in on some of the backstory. Did your aunts tell you, or when did they know? Or was this all new to them once you reached out to them?
Speaker 3:No, they said we knew something was going on with her and she disappeared for a couple of days in 1977. When she came back, we just didn't ask.
Speaker 1:Again sweeping stuff under the rug.
Speaker 3:They just did not ask. She picked it right up, went back to school because I think she graduated. I was born that February. I think she graduated that June. But the relationship my paternal grandfather was the pastor, my paternal grandfather was the pastor, her grandmother, her mother, was the church secretary. My paternal grandmother, obviously, was the first lady. So this is a family who was very close. So they were like God brother and God sister. You know the pastor and his secretary and the wife. They know each other. They go camping together.
Speaker 3:They do Christmases together, thanksgivings together. This was like you know how your kids have friends that you just don't even think about. Oh yeah they're up there in the room this day playing a game, or they out riding their bikes. Well, they were doing a little something different. That's right, and so it. I think Darren came to shame too, Like he was like a play cousin yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so the families were so intertwined. So my biological mother's mother, my grandmother, my maternal grandmother, has said we won't have nothing to do with you, oh, wow. And I said, wow, ok, it feels very much like, maybe, how you parented your daughter, but that's not my business. It's very sweet, but under the rug and we're okay, and as long as we're okay, then it's okay. But my, um, my paternal grandmother, she and I were very close. I mean I went to Kentucky all the time and just sat on her couch and chill. So my kids have relationships with their cousins and, um, my sisters and brother come spend time with us. So you know and I understand that boys loyalty very much lies with their mothers.
Speaker 1:So let me ask this question, or let me say this so, with both of you being mothers and you think about when you had your children, how it was celebrated, right, and you brought up the fact of the trauma that you know first mom may have had trying to hide it and conceal it, so I can't even imagine her being able to unpack all those emotions of a trying to hide it, but then, at 17 years old, yeah. And then whatever shame may have running track.
Speaker 3:You were still running track. I can't imagine. Wow. And she told me once um, you're so much better than me. What could I offer you?
Speaker 2:your time. That's just who you are.
Speaker 1:It's right, your time, that's it and it's, it's, it's challenging because, like she holds the key to just so much, just being there. All you got to do is just me looking at, sitting across, looking at you, that's it. Um, I remember me and my biological mom. We met, had lunch and I just couldn't stop staring. I remember that. I remember when I was like, yeah, we had that conversation.
Speaker 3:And I think that for them, you know, and again them, wrestling through whatever they don't understand, for us All we need, like you said that time, even at FaceTime, you know, no matter what, no matter if I can get people to understand because people think, well, you're grown Like you should be past that you know that's in the past, Move on. Because we get to this place where we think people should move on, there is still a space where you just want to spend some time and just be quiet.
Speaker 2:You ain't got to say words yeah, you want to be that child again.
Speaker 3:Making up for lost time. Yep, I will never forget and I try to remember it with my 21-year-old, who gets on my nerves sometimes that Dr Phil always says your children want to see your eyes light up when they come in the room. That's kind of all we want.
Speaker 1:Validation.
Speaker 3:Yeah, everybody wants to feel like they belong to somebody. Even though we had amazing or some of us may have not. I had an amazing life and amazing story that I'm probably would not have happened if I was still living in rural Kentucky. I would be riding horses and you know. Whatever that didn't happen for me and I'm grateful. But there is still a space where you want to be accepted and like, and until she gets past that Trauma that she experienced, I think I'm going to always be a wound for her.
Speaker 1:So let me ask this question, With you having the information and we can go back to the conversation. At the Applebee's right, you and Sean leave. You get back to Ohio. What's the conversation with the folks?
Speaker 3:my, my mother, as much as she was, you know my whole life the one who would say I hope y'all help, y'all help you. For her it was very threatening. How was it with her, you know? I think she felt that there would be some like soul tie, and so for my mother when she found out that I think she felt that there would be some, some like soul tie. And so for my mother, when she found out that the relationship was strained, it was.
Speaker 2:OK, she was like yes, right School, like I'm safe.
Speaker 3:The kick is good. Yes, I'm still number one, yeah, and my biological father has always expressed a general admiration for my parents because he never knew I was born. So when I went back for the baby shower at 33, he was spending time away with the incarcerated friends. And so around the corner from my grandmother's house it's a town, it's Mayberry and so my grandmother says you want to go see your daddy? Yeah, sure, like why isn't he here?
Speaker 3:So we go around the corner to the you was about to say Mayberry too, and I walk in and they call him out and he's like, oh my God, you have my face, wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean, this is behind glass.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:And he's like I, like I can't believe you're real. And I said you never knew, he said no, she never told me. Wow, he did not know. And I said you never knew, he said no, she never told me Wow, oh, wow, he did not know. So my father has been very open to meeting my biological father, because my biological father came from the place of. I didn't even know and y'all did a great job with this one. Now, it has never happened. I don't know how Henry would act. Henry is my dad, so I really don't know how he would act. And my bio dad is never really free to move about the cabin. Yes, he's always got some probation issues, so he's never been able to travel. So I don't know. My parents were very supportive.
Speaker 1:That's great. Let me ask this question how do you think, if any you being adopted impacted you as a parent?
Speaker 2:Hmm.
Speaker 3:I will say as a parent, it made me it's very Open with alternative family styles because, my children always knew that I was adopted.
Speaker 3:You know Mason was born into it, right, so I had already met the bio family by the time he came. You know I was six months in at that point and Aniyah knew and you know then Sean had a kind of strained relationship with his father, so she had never really met him. So my kids would always say we got a lot of grandparents, mom, you got, two dads, you got two moms, dad you got. And so I think it really made me open and my children respectful of alternative families, because every family doesn't always look like even what it looks like, because if you saw me and my mom and my dad, you wouldn't think that I was adopted. That's right. And so then I'm like and here's this one and here's that one, and here's some brothers and here's some sisters, and here's this one and here's that one, and here's some brothers, here's some sisters, and so my kids are just, I think, open to the fact that families can look different.
Speaker 2:Right, that's awesome, that is that. Yeah, that's good, that's good. It's weird that between the three of us, you know, even though we're all adopted and like we've mentioned many, many times before, everyone's story is so different.
Speaker 3:So different.
Speaker 2:It's so different because how your parents were supportive, I can't. Well, I guess it would be they weren't supportive because they never told me oh yeah, yeah, oh yes, I saw your story. Yeah, so I didn't even. Yes, I saw your story, yeah, so.
Speaker 3:Like you didn't, even know. I didn't know you found out from a family member right Her husband.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my husband.
Speaker 3:I was going to say that, but then I was like no, that don't even sound right.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, that's right, and then John always knew.
Speaker 1:But it wasn't spoken of. No, she knew but it wasn't spoken of. She shut it down. She shut it down, so she wasn't supportive she was like the file is closed and you can't open it. I'm like, oh, okay, I'm going to go back to my room.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I remember when you were telling me about John, I found him. I'm about to go do this. I was so happy for you. But there was a little green-eyed monster of jealousy. Yeah, you always have that desire. It was almost like you made it into the promised land and I don't get to go, but you was always going to go. But here's the thing when you don't know and you're hoping, you celebrate others and you're like I'll be glad when my time comes. And then you were like just, you celebrate others and you're like I'll be glad when my time comes. And then you were like well, john, be careful, because you don't know what Pandora's box is going to open. And you got to be sober and I remember you telling me when I pulled up What'd I say, lord?
Speaker 1:You were like when I pulled up they had all these balloons and all these different things and I'm like what shit?
Speaker 3:Who the hell like blown away I couldn't imagine thinking of having a baby shower for me but that is what that little kid wants.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that little kid it was so gorgeous, but it was blown away to you because you're like they don't even know me right, and they took time to throw this baby shower for a 30 something year old.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what in the yeah, and in my family there's a little history of small ankles. So my grandma pulled me in the bathroom and she was like come here, baby, Small ankles. Wait a minute, it's a problem. It's a problem. So, I go in the bathroom and she's like put your pants up Now. This woman does look like me, but I like I don't really know what's going on exactly pulls my pants up, she comes out the bathroom, she ours you got the mangles.
Speaker 2:Hey, that's a dna test, right there chicken legs chicken legs.
Speaker 3:That's funny oh that's fun and and you would think like I would hate them.
Speaker 2:No, I love them that's amazing does it make you feel like, after all this time, like you've always known them, it's just that you just been away. Because that's how I felt when I first found my family. It was just like you know, oh yeah, lisa lives in Virginia and she's just coming up for you know mom's. Yeah, lisa lives in Virginia and she's just coming up for you know mom's birthday. Yeah, that's how it felt, like we've always known each other.
Speaker 3:It feels like that. I think that there's a connection that only DNA can create. Um, I, yes, I do. Um, I hate that and I, this is. I say this like with two sides of my brain. I hate that. I miss the stories that my cousins have. Oh, my, yes, because they have the summers, they have the girl. You ain't no, aunt dimples was crazy. I'm like no, okay, no Okay, you didn't know. Such and such was married to such and such. I wasn't here, so I missed the history.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:I missed that. But then I'm like if I didn't, if I had that history, then I wouldn't have had the history with my family.
Speaker 2:And that's how I look at it also, because when you're sitting in it and they're sitting there and your cousins, and everybody's talking about what they did as a child, and you're like, oh wow, I would have been doing that. Oh wow, I would have been doing that, I should have been in that picture, I would have been in that picture. All those things, those things are the things that make me feel sad. But, on the other hand, I wouldn't have changed my life, because the life that they live, lisa, wasn't built for that.
Speaker 3:That's all I was not, I was not built for rural Kentucky, I promise you no. And I look just like my grandmother, like there were pictures of her when she was like thirty three, thirty four, like my age, and it could have been me.
Speaker 3:And she passed 34, like my age, and it could have been me and she passed gosh, maybe 2017. And so my biological father calls me a lot and he's like Bob, bob Jean, that's what he calls me and that's her name. Now you know I ain't Bob Jean. But yeah, I wasn't built for rural Kentucky either. I'm not a horse girl, I'm not a bluegrass state kind of girl and I don't want to listen to that country music.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, so wow. So you was born in Kentucky. And then so your adoptive parents went to.
Speaker 3:Kentucky to get you or how did you end up in Ohio? So the foster family that had me in Kentucky they were the husband was an OBGYN, the wife was a stay-at-home mom and they had already adopted children. They had like four adopted children and like two biological, and they had this big farm and he had all this money. So I guess they were connected with Lutheran social services through the foster care system.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:When my mom and dad picked my picture out of the. I guess I imagine it to be like cards, where you're just looking at kids. I don't know, but mom said they saw my picture and they met on the state line.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:And pick me up. And my dad said my mom and dad had told me several times and I remember they were the Smiths Ms Smith came to my first and second birthday. Oh, that's awesome that they did as a family or the two of them, but she had gotten so attached to me she couldn't drop me off. And her husband said that she was really depressed when they found out they weren't going to have the opportunity to adopt me.
Speaker 1:Were you the only child of color in the house.
Speaker 3:No, oh wow, which is like serendipitous right? How did that happen?
Speaker 1:Did you ever look up the Smiths?
Speaker 3:No, I have tried, and then I just like not, that they're not part of my backstory. Right, Because they are. But I don't even know if I would. What would I say? Right?
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, you probably wouldn't say, but you would say hey, I'm.
Speaker 3:Kizzy is what they named me.
Speaker 2:Kizzy, really, yeah. So I'll say, hey, I'm Kizzy. And then they will go oh, because you're not going to remember them, because you was an infant. You was, yeah, but they would.
Speaker 3:And they would, they probably would, and at this point I don't know, I guess I I've thought about it and maybe, like, done a light google search, it never really went too deep. Um, but yeah, they named me kizzy because you know it was roots and it was the 70s and she was a black girl.
Speaker 1:So it was the legs. It, it was the legs, that's what it was.
Speaker 2:Kizzy. Wow, I was getting on so many levels with that. That is so wrong on so many levels. It's wrong for us now because we have the language and the understanding and we know For them.
Speaker 3:they probably felt like we're giving her a strong name, Exactly.
Speaker 1:There's this strong character that went through and I'm going to build it up. Wow, exactly. There's this strong character that went through and I'm going to build it up.
Speaker 3:Wow, that's amazing, it's like calling a kid dope.
Speaker 1:So I'm sitting here and I'm just this whole interview. I'm thankful to have this opportunity for you to share your story on this platform and it just it reminded me of the similarities in our thinking and just our, our spirits, and just how we approached certain things with a level of maturity and sobriety and respect.
Speaker 3:Like this was a hard thing for somebody to do. Yeah, yeah, my children away and I mean I'm not in that situation, thank God. It really is a level of sacrifice that I don't know that I embody, to be honest you know, whatever the situation was.
Speaker 1:The other thing is, we have so much more information, we have so much more support, we have so many other things now. Back then they didn't have what we have, that's true. So they did the best with what they had.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. And what I've found out is her home was pretty chaotic. There was a fire. There was, you know, adult sisters and brothers who were in and out Not inappropriate, I mean, my aunts are very successful, you know, educationally, but I think there was. She just got lost in the sauce was she the baby? Yeah no, how many like she's like mid. That's the thing. She was in the middle how many children five, five. So she was like in the middle.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, she's in the middle and they were kind of um spaced apart because the kids no, they were like stair steps. So I'm confused, me too. How is it that you're?
Speaker 3:you have other sisters no, she, I do, yes, but the sisters, my sister, oh yeah, she does yeah.
Speaker 2:And they didn't.
Speaker 1:Like, was she that close with her? Yeah?
Speaker 2:I'm saying they all living in the same house. They lived in the same house.
Speaker 3:They never recognized anything. They did not pay attention to each other. Now my aunts will say now we knew something was going on with her, but we just didn't say nothing.
Speaker 2:Wow, wow.
Speaker 1:Wow, Do you think and again we don't know Do you think she has resentment towards the family or just them?
Speaker 3:She has a very strange relationship with her siblings. Ok, mm hmm, very strange, ok, mm hmm, very strained, almost almost like you guys didn't see me, you didn't know I was hurting, and now you all think now you want to celebrate it.
Speaker 1:Now you want it and again, from a mental health standpoint. That's why, again, I'm unpacking it from the other side, because you know we, just like you said, we don't have the capacity to know that hurt because we haven't had to exercise that muscle yeah, yep, yep.
Speaker 2:We have to give her grace and I do, yeah, and yeah, it sounds like you do a lot of grace yeah, I do.
Speaker 3:I just say, you know, and I ask her sisters, because I talk to them all the time, how's Linda?
Speaker 2:She's all right.
Speaker 3:You know you could give her a call and I'm like, well, you can stop that, because I'm not You've done your part.
Speaker 2:You left the door open for her whenever. If she's ever ready, she knows where to find you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I feel like I went the extra mile, or not even extra mile, it was for me. But you know, hire the private investigator went through the whole process. You know have dealt with some pretty abusive language from her at times, and so I'm like I'm still trying to give you grace because I know that I'm a tender spot for you. I'm going to let you say what you need to say, but I want you not meet me.
Speaker 1:That 1851 dilemma.
Speaker 3:You know I try to be kind and try to be courteous and when I know that I don't have space for that, I don't reach out, that I don't reach out Right and you just don't know what that true experience, because she's not sharing what really really happened.
Speaker 3:And what it comes up as in is anger. So every time I'm coming home, my kids or whatever. You know it's a small town, People know each other and you know I went to my niece's graduation and her, her son, was actually there and he was just like looking at me, like really, are you here, you know, and I'm like I'm not even here for you, sweetie, I'm here for her, Right.
Speaker 3:Keep it, you know so it, and that's one of the boys who is his mama's child, and I understand. But when those things happen there's always a little scuttlebutt like, oh she here, I just don't understand.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I guess I do understand, but I just don't understand why they are. That your other brothers are angry at you? Well, I can and I can't, right, you didn't ask to be here.
Speaker 1:Correct. But you got to understand they're protecting their space.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I get that, but at this point it's been some time I don't want nothing from you. A hundred percent.
Speaker 3:I'm not asking for anything. I don't want. Really, if you don't want to share your time, I don't want to pull it out of you, but just know that I am going to be in Kentucky, I am going to visit my father, I am going to visit my siblings, I'm going to come to graduations and birthday parties and it's okay. If you don't want to see me, just close your eyes you don't have to fool with me.
Speaker 2:You fool people who want to fool with you, and that's it. That's it.
Speaker 1:Too many times we fight to put people in our space that doesn't deserve to be there and they don't fit, and it's okay.
Speaker 3:They may not fit this week, they may not fit next year, they may fit in 10 years. You may be sick, you may need a kidney. You may need one of these little skinny legs.
Speaker 2:Whatever, I'm going to be here, and the thing is, what I love about you is it makes you no difference Whether if they want to be in your life, great. If not, you don't keep it because my foundation is so firm.
Speaker 3:It's solid and I made sure that, before I was able to access that information, I had the emotional intelligence to handle whichever way the wind blew.
Speaker 2:Wimbley.
Speaker 1:And I'm thankful that you have matured and put away some of your older ways of thugging out in this season so that you could take care of it and handle it in a good way, Because I can see you, like you said at that early age, popping off and, just you know, forget all y'all, yeah, oh yeah, I mean you know the back pocket's always the back pocket, but Yep, I mean you know the back pocket is always the back pocket, but yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean, you know we're almost 50 now, so let's move on? No, I really do. There were, you know, honestly, and some of that, some of maybe who I was then was because of this experience and just very, I'm going to protect me at all costs Because I don't trust you.
Speaker 2:Right, and you not really knowing who you were Were, because a lot of it for all we know, she could have been one of those type of people too. Oh yeah, you could see a lot in you that you know she's just not ready to face yet. So, um, yeah, there's a lot of I know. For me, there was a lot of similarities to my mannerisms and how I walked and how I talked. To this day, even though my mother had passed my, my niece would go oh my goodness, you sound just like granny, you sound just like her. So, and I didn't, you know, I didn't, you don't know her. I mean, I didn't know her. I, I, I was blessed enough to know her. I didn't know her. Did you get to meet her? I got, I was blessed enough to meet her. Ok, good, before she passed, yes, yes, and I was there when she took her last breath.
Speaker 3:That's amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right.
Speaker 3:Oh for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So we had it, we, for the short period of time, the eight years, that I am truly, truly grateful for. I didn't look at it from that aspect before because at first I was like I can't keep a parent, can't keep a parent. My adoptive parents died in 97, nine months from each other. And then I found my biological mother. She allegedly says my biological father was deceased. Allegedly Okay. Until I see paperwork I can only say allegedly Okay, and then she passes. I'm like can I get a break? Can I catch a break? So that's how I was kind of angry with God because you allowed me to find her and then you take her away from me.
Speaker 3:And still got to pour out of that parent space into your own children.
Speaker 2:Right, but I? I then I flipped it and says no, god allowed me to meet her. So I had that time with her because he could have just as easily me not ever be her. Yeah, and never known and never known her, you know. But ever be her, yeah, and never known and never known her, you know. But so I cherish the eight years that I did have with her and the opportunity. So I don't look at it as you know. Why did?
Speaker 3:she deficit, yeah so so early yeah, so I want to again.
Speaker 1:um, this has just been so powerful. One of the talking points for this platform is the non-traditional relationships, and I love the fact that you said your children always had a respect for. You know, family dynamics are on our side of the adoption, or from the parental side, or a family member that may be a spouse or whatever it may be. What type of nugget or just encouragement would you give based on your experiences? Just encouragement would you give.
Speaker 3:Based on your experiences, I would say trust that person, that adoptee enough to go down the road with them.
Speaker 3:Don't get ahead, don't slow them down. Just meet them where they are, because at the time that we are discovering who we came from, we just need support. We just need support. Sometimes there's a space for quietness. Sometimes there's a space for quietness because we're figuring out what this means, because it really changes your perspective of life. I mean, it sounds like the three of us had a great foundation with our families, but it really changes. Once you learn my birth story, once you learn my conception story, once you learn even what happened to your bio parents afterwards, it's like wow, I was there but I wasn't. So you have to figure out where you were in that story to kind of get your bearings. So support is what I would say. I hope I answered that.
Speaker 1:No, you did, you did. And as you were talking, what came to my mind was there's an unbalanced equation. We're taught from a mathematical standpoint. When you have an unbalanced equation, you have to do something to try and balance it out, and that's what we're trying to do. We are handed this playing deck of cards and we played a hand and we're dealt, but then I'm going to give you this extra two cards. Yeah, and now you are forced with. How do I continue to play the game of life without playing out of order, being penalized?
Speaker 3:And I think inherent in, I know, for me. I told my parents this maybe two or three years ago. We were just hanging out and I was telling them how much I love them, because I do all the time, because they're 81 and 80. And you know, yeah, yeah, my parents are that old, john, you got to call daddy and 80. And you know, yeah, yeah, my parents are there. Oh, john, you got to call daddy. So I see time, I see them aging, and I told them how much I appreciated them and my dad's like, oh no, we appreciate you too. And I said, no, let me tell you what I appreciate. I appreciate that you wanted a child. I appreciate that you chose me and I appreciate that you raised me with no conditions, like just I was any other child and I don't think that I had ever made that distinction, because I never wanted them to feel like I felt adopted, right.
Speaker 2:But I wanted to acknowledge the work they put in to get me.
Speaker 3:And my dad was like Crying yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 2:Give them their flowers while they're still.
Speaker 3:You got to because, whether you know, however, we came into our families. They had to do some work on the front end to get us. It wasn't just like somebody the stork dropped us off.
Speaker 2:Right, well, I still stick to that.
Speaker 3:Listen, whitney was like I had a show in Columbus Go get that baby. But I know that my parents had to do a lot of work. They had, you know, all the social service stuff. They had to check their background, they had to be financially stable and all those things that don't happen when you just spontaneously are pregnant. So I wanted them and I don't know that I'll ever do that again but I needed them to understand that. I know that you had to put in work to get this fool that you had to raise and I appreciate y'all, but I'm better, but I'm better.
Speaker 2:You know I'm better.
Speaker 3:Going through those high school times and college and just figuring out who you are that's tough. And they didn't have to.
Speaker 2:Wow, this has been great.
Speaker 1:Thank you, this was awesome. I am thankful that you were willing to do it, of course. Thank you for the transparency. Yeah, thank you very much, and next week let's make it a reality. Do a FaceTime so I can see you folks oh yeah, okay 100%. Oh my gosh, my dad would lose his mind. Yeah, so I can see your folks. Oh yeah, ok, a hundred percent.
Speaker 3:We've been talking about it, for I know a good time. Oh my gosh, my dad would lose his mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, don't even tell him. You, just I'm not. Hey, let's get it.
Speaker 3:Let's get it OK, all right. Well, thank you all for having me.
Speaker 1:I appreciate it this was therapeutic different levels, yeah, just very therapeutic. So the way that we close, I'll say my name, lisa will say her name and then I'll say your name, and then we say and we are adopted. So for the nugget, I think that that is huge to support the episode that we did previously. We had our spouses on. Oh yeah, that's huge. Right, we talked about how us being adopted impacts our outlook on certain things.
Speaker 3:And maybe in ways I don't even know. You know Sean might be able to give some more insight. I have to ask him Watch.
Speaker 1:Watch our previous episode and I'm thankful that my wife was patient with me and she saw things and you know you go back when you talk about when you were pregnant how that was the springboard. So for me, being the father of Jayla, be having to put those NAs down. My wife saw my face and the hurt that I had in the embarrassment and it wasn't because of anything I did. This is the hand that I've been dealt, so I think that you know your spouse plays a very significant role because they can continue to support and push, or they can make it so that now you have a different level of shame.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, yeah. So thank you again.
Speaker 3:Yes, thank you Absolutely. Thank you, guys. That's the Lakeshore connection.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, I wish.
Speaker 2:I get the opportunity to meet you in person, probably homecoming or something.
Speaker 1:She ain't been here in 30.
Speaker 3:No, not since 2001. I keep saying I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, and it's like, but this year we can do it. All my babies are big. Ok, both my babies are big. Both my babies are big.
Speaker 1:Well, here's the thing, just let me know. Well, I ain't here, no more, I'm tripping.
Speaker 3:I know you got to fly in for Florida.
Speaker 1:I might have two at Hampton, but we'll see. I'm John.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lisa.
Speaker 1:Oh, and I'm Kalilah, absolutely. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:And we'll talk soon.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted podcast. We hope that this was informative and educational. You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook at so I'm Adopted. Also, subscribe to our YouTube channel so I'm Adopted. And again, thank you for listening and until next time, make the choice to begin your healing journey.
