So.... I'm Adopted Podcast!
This podcast creates a space for genuine conversations about adoption, where emotions are acknowledged, journeys are reconciled, and a healthy acceptance of truths is fostered. Delve into the impact of adoption on all parties involved, gaining insights from adoptees, adoptive parents, biological parents, as well as professional psychologists and social workers. Explore the realities, reconciliation processes, and ongoing dynamics of adoption.
So.... I'm Adopted Podcast!
Exploring Identity and Family: The Intricate Tapestry of Adoption and Marriage
What happens when adoption intersects with marriage? Join us as we explore this question through the lens of our own relationships, with our significant others, Janice and Titus, lending their insights. From uncovering family secrets to navigating complex emotions, our 13th chapter marks a milestone in understanding the profound effects of adoption on personal identity and family dynamics. Through personal stories and candid conversations, we emphasize the necessity of open communication and understanding in nurturing these unique relationships.
The secrets and revelations of adoption create ripples across generations. We share experiences of how differing approaches to adoption disclosure have influenced our identities and family dynamics. With contrasting stories, including feelings of exclusion due to visible differences and the comfort of early adoption awareness, we illuminate the complex tapestry of adoptive family experiences. The narrative spans reactions of adoptive parents, the struggle for identity, and the emotional journeys tied to discovering biological roots, where chosen families often step in to fill emotional voids left by loss or secrecy.
We discuss the impact of family trauma and loss, exploring how meaningful conversations can foster healing and resilience. The power of chosen families in providing support during both challenging and celebratory times is highlighted, emphasizing a new sense of belonging. As the festive season unfolds, we invite you to reflect on the importance of intentional relationships and the transformative journey of embracing your roots with grace and empathy.
Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood
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Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk everything adoption. This journey is not one we take alone. Together we grapple with raw emotions that surface from adoption stories. We want you to be comfortable enough to heal, so sit back and go with us on this journey as we dive deep into adoption.
Speaker 3:So we want to welcome you to our next edition of our podcast and, if you notice, we have some other faces with us. We do, and this was intentional. We talked about this in our first podcast, when we sat down on the couch, yes, and we shared our stories, and now we're at a place where we have our significant others with us.
Speaker 4:Yes, and you know what, john? What's up?
Speaker 3:This is our 13th episode 13th episode on the 14th day of December, december. We could have just said it was the 13th day, but who really knows, because it's not going to get posted later. But anyway, we're going to stay focused. So I want to introduce the love of my life, my wife Janice. Hey, janice, how are you?
Speaker 4:Hello everyone, so happy to be here. Thank you for the invitation. John and Lisa, have we met?
Speaker 3:I was about to say good gracious, this is real, this happens, it's okay, take your time. Your hands are sweating. It's okay. It's okay, take your time.
Speaker 4:Your hands are sweating. It's okay, it's the velvet. That's what it is, is it velvet?
Speaker 3:What is that Velvet?
Speaker 4:What is that, velvet? You see, we just have a good time.
Speaker 3:Got to have fun.
Speaker 4:And on my side, here is my rib, my husband Titus. Yeah, that would be right.
Speaker 3:I saw it when it came out. It's okay.
Speaker 4:We're all nervous, we're okay, but this is Titus. Say hi to the good folks.
Speaker 1:Hello good folks, how y'all doing? Oh yeah, Glad to be here.
Speaker 4:And we're glad to have y'all.
Speaker 3:Absolutely Fun episode it's going to be a fun episode. Yes, if you've been journaling, journaling, journeying, if you've been with us throughout our episodes, you know that we created a space to talk about our journeys in life, non-traditional relationships, and we started off. We had Lisa, had this mindset of John we need to talk about our story, and she was very consistent, as I stated, and 13 episodes later, we're here. And to start off, I just want to tell you I got a call from a gentleman. I'm not going to share his name.
Speaker 3:He's a humble guy but he said he was calling to check on me. And then at the end of the call he said hey, john. He said, man, listen what you and Lisa are doing, thank you. And I said what you and Lisa are doing, thank you. And I said one I didn't even know that he watched the podcast, right? He said I have individuals I work with watching it because they're wrestling with relationships and to get that nugget, it just it humbled me because one, like I said, I wasn't even aware that he watched it.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:So we just wanted to create a space where people can talk about what they're going through.
Speaker 3:We've identified that this adoption I don't want to say thing, but this adoption entity, space, yeah, space impacts many different people in many different ways and often they don't get talked about. So when we first started, we shared our stories. But then, when you really start to understand relationships, there are three sides to every story yours, theirs, then the truth yep right, and what we wanted to do was give space to our significant others. Because if you remember our stories, go back to the first episode shameless blood, shameless blood.
Speaker 3:They have a different angle because we had a level of excitement, because it was our story. Our story yes, they were on the sideline watching even though they were a part of it. Yes, so we wanted to bringeline watching, even though they were part of it. Yes, so we wanted to bring them to the table, just so that they can share what they saw, what they experienced.
Speaker 3:And then also their perspective and also how Us being adopted impacts our relationship, because there are things that lay dormant, that often we don't talk about, we don't call them what they are, and I'll be honest, I'll be transparent. First, there were a lot of things that I didn't really understand, until we continue to just live this life and walk this journey, and then I began to understand that, oh, this is why I respond that way, this is why I'm reacting that way, respond that way.
Speaker 1:This is why I'm reacting that way.
Speaker 3:Now, I didn't tell her for a while because that's just me trying to process it and a little bit of pride being right there. I'm going to call it what it is.
Speaker 4:But I have some good examples.
Speaker 3:That's why we have editing.
Speaker 4:Bam and I'm the editor, so bam.
Speaker 3:I was about to say something. I was about to say something and it's so powerful because I never forget. I was working at the alternative school. Right after I found out some kind of way, Titus called me and he said John, you need to get with Lisa, and that's when I found out that you were adopted, you know. So it's the significant other has pieces of the puzzle and, as you share with your story, Titus had all the goods, yeah.
Speaker 4:Well, how long did we know each other before we realized we both were adopted? Can you recall?
Speaker 3:I know it was yeah, it had been a while, because I didn't know, because it floored me.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I didn't know that you were either, probably Because that's not the first thing you talk about in conversation.
Speaker 3:You know, what I'm saying. That's not the first thing. You don't just walk around with that card.
Speaker 4:Hey, I'm adopted. Hey, I'm adopted. You know, you don't know until you really get to know someone and get to know their story, or you know their truth or what not. But it was years before we knew that we were both adopted, hence the title so I'm adopted so we'll start off with this question and I'll pose it to titus.
Speaker 3:First. Tell us when you found out lisa was adopted uh, yeah, that was a funny situation.
Speaker 1:So so we went to go visit Lisa's grandmother. Mm-hmm, we're sitting in the living room, we're talking. I think Lisa was over. She was over in the dining area. Mm-hmm, I'm sitting there talking to Grandma Having a conversation. She looks at me. Y'all haven't been here to visit me. She's talking about Grandma. We just came saw you like a week and a half ago. Okay, I understand, you know she was struggling with dementia and all the different things. So she said it a few times and so and she's like, well, I remember when they brought Lisa home from the hospital, I said okay, just letting her go wherever I thought she was. But evidently she was in a Lucid state and she was in a good state, in a good state In a good state.
Speaker 1:Because the next thing she said out of her mouth was it was what I actually questioned. I said okay, well, yeah, okay. You remember, when they brought her home from the hospital, I said okay, grandma, and she said yes. When they adopted her Okay, grandma, and she said yes. When they adopted her.
Speaker 4:And I was like well, that's how she said it. So now I'm trying to figure out.
Speaker 1:okay, where is she? I just didn't know what to think. Was it just the two of you in the room? Just the two of us? And she looked me straight in my eyes.
Speaker 4:So you found out before Lisa found out.
Speaker 1:I did. I did Drawdropping moment. Okay, I really didn't have a comeback because I'm trying to process what I just heard. Okay, is this grandma or is this her and her dementia?
Speaker 4:But did you know that when people are in that dementia state, all truths come out it?
Speaker 1:does, but that's something that you don't expect to hear. After us being married at the time, what 20 plus years at the time?
Speaker 4:Wow, and I've mentioned this before we both grew up together, so our families are very close.
Speaker 3:I didn't know y'all grew up together.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I mean our father's from Virginia. Our families know one another. Yeah, our families know one another. Same church Same church Grew up close so everyone knew His mom knew that you were adopted, that I was. Everyone knew that I was adopted, except you Out of all the people he didn't know and I didn't. You know what I'm saying. We ended up marrying each other. So after she mentioned that to me, I kind of settled it for about, I don't know. Yeah, overnight.
Speaker 1:I tossed and turned all night long Trying to figure out. Do I say something to Lisa at this point? How do I address what I just heard? And I'm up 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock. It was a bad night for me, sleeping-wise, just tossing and turning with that. So the next day I told him his name, lisa. I don't know how to tell you this, but this is what grandma said to me. She said I sure remember when they brought you home from the hospital when you were adopted, and so at that point it was like well, we're going to the grandma's house right now. Five minutes, we were out the door.
Speaker 2:We were on the way to grandma's house now.
Speaker 1:Five minutes. We were out the door On the way to grandma's house, yep, and so that's when Lisa asked her about it, and Lisa told the story. You know how she had her.
Speaker 4:She looked at Titus. I asked her the question. I said you've been trying to, you know, talk to me for a minute now, so let's talk. I'm here, let's talk. I said because Titus said you had something to say.
Speaker 3:Going in there getting gangsta on grandma. I had to get gangsta?
Speaker 4:I did. And then she looked because Titus was like behind me and she looked at Titus and she looked back at me and she has a big bay window. She turned around and looked at me, crossed her legs and said I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1:Well, literally, she said, crossed her leg and said I don't know what you're talking about. Well, literally, she said I don't know what you're talking about and fluttered her eyes and looked at the window. I said oh, here we go, I've been set up. It just kind of went from there.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and I said, okay, you keep looking out your window, that's alright, I know where to go to get the truth and the answer. And I made a beeline to my eyes.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to protect Lisa, right, because I don't want to say anything. That maybe wasn't what she was trying to really say. But if I don't say anything and it comes out later, wasn't what she was trying to really say. But if I don't say anything and it comes out later and then Lisa's like so you knew, I was just in a bad situation, you were in a pickle?
Speaker 3:I was. So here's the question for Lisa With him bringing you that information, what's the first thought that came to you? What was the first question? Is he lying? I got to go talk to grandma. What was it?
Speaker 4:Oh no, I got to go talk to grandma.
Speaker 3:It was because he brought it to you. Okay, let's ride with it.
Speaker 4:Let's ride with it, because she's been hounding me for months that she wanted to talk to me.
Speaker 3:Oh, she had.
Speaker 4:Yes, never said what it was about. Never said what it was about, but every time I went over there, oh, I want to talk to you, I want to talk to you, you know, and she kept talking about how I helped take care of my mother's mother, you know, during those later years. So, you know, she just, I just thought that's what she wanted to talk. How good a daughter I was. I guess that was in my mind. But I felt that she's had this on her heart for a long period of time, knowing that I did not know, and I guess she felt that before she leaves this earth she's going to make sure I knew. That's just my personal opinion.
Speaker 3:Let me tell you what's so powerful about and again, this is where we start to unpack the relationships right, Because that him presenting that information to you had the potential to really cause some strife between you all, if you think about it and I'm not saying you all, I'm just in general, Because a lot of times, especially in our cultures, we don't talk about stuff, so there are a lot of secrets that are hidden around. But you could have been to a place you lie. Why are you lying? And it could have went left field.
Speaker 4:But because I think, back in my mind, I knew it was some truth to it. Oh, just, you know, when they say when you're about to die or something, your whole life flashes before your eyes. So when he said that, certain things I would say started registering, clicking in my head from my past, from my childhood, so I felt it was some kind of truth to it. So I felt it was some kind of truth to it. You know, just that little flicker of believing it was enough to for me to go, oh, plus her saying I need to talk to you. So what exactly? Give me an example of one thing that you remember way back in the day. Oh well, just and I've mentioned this before in a podcast when I was in high school, because I have an older brother who's adopted as well and we're not blood related, but our last name is very unique, so he's three years older than me. Again, my mom was light-skinned, he was light-skinned. Here I come, this dark-skinned girl. My dad really wasn't around school. My mom was PTA president, bam president, all that stuff. So she was always involved in school with us. So that's all they saw. So here I come, in high school with the last name. They say are you our sister? I'm like yeah, are you adopted? I'm like no, I ain't adopted. I look like my dad. My dad was dark. I have light brown eyes. I'm dark. I have light brown eyes. My dad was dark. I have a light brown house. So that explained it. I go home, tell my mom what just happened at school. It's like, oh okay, well, I'm cooking this for dinner and you know things like that. It was a quick pivot, yeah, a quick pivot. She didn't acknowledge it at all and I didn't think about it. But when he said what he said, those little things started coming back in my head. When I was little, I was over my aunt's house. It was. I have two other, um other cousins, that's about my age, and we're playing on the swing set and he goes and that's why you're. I don't know why we were talking about it, but he said and that's why you're adopted. And I ran in the house. He said I was adopted. She's like he don't know why we were talking about it, but he said and that's why you're adopted. And I ran in the house. He said I was adopted. She's like he don't know what he's talking about. Go on back out there and play.
Speaker 4:You know, little things like that has happened in my life and I always felt that I was involved, but I wasn't involved. Certain things would take place or certain cousins would be invited some places that I wasn't, for whatever reason, and I just couldn't put my finger on it. You know, because I have a cousin, we're like this so she was there but I wasn't there. There's certain things took place that just didn't click to me, but I never really had a, a reason I just couldn't put to me, but I never really had a reason, I just couldn't put my finger on it. So when he said that, that's when that little bit of belief I'm taking the ball and I'm running with it.
Speaker 4:Right, and then on top of what she said. So all it wasn't one thing, it was a combination of things that took place throughout my life, wow.
Speaker 1:That's amazing.
Speaker 3:So let's jump to the other side of when you found out I was adopted.
Speaker 4:Yes, let's hear what was it that I mean? Because did you know before you got married that he was adopted, or just happened after you all got married? So, even as I'm listening to you all's story, I think John's couldn't be more different. John being adopted was an open piece of information that he's had his whole life, and he came to me and told me, as we were dating, what it was almost like. What's your favorite color? What's your favorite food? We just out.
Speaker 4:Just getting to know each other, getting to know each other and it was just something that was a part of the tapestry of who Johnny Hughes Underwood III is and it wasn't a secret for him growing up, so it wasn't a secret during our courtship. Courtship, yes, ok, that is huge, but I didn't catch that. But probably the more, the more aha moments that we had were we had were in terms of awkward moments would be little comments when we would be out and about, whether we were around family or not, where people would say you know, johnny, you look just like your mama, carolyn Underwood. Oh really, and people would say things like that or I don't know how you got to be so tall with your daddy so short. So did these people know?
Speaker 4:No, Some people did Some people did, some people didn't, but largely this is coming from people who didn't necessarily know, that were on the peripheral Gotcha. So then everyone who did know who were in the presence of the comment, it was almost like we would be with his mom or dad. There would be no correction Like, oh, what's on the menu? Correct To your point of pivoting. It was almost like, yep, sure do. Looks just like me.
Speaker 3:My dad would say, because I got strong genes.
Speaker 4:I would pick up on these subtle it was. I would pick up on this. I would pick up on these subtle sort of. We haven't quite dealt with the trauma of how this could come out in a, in a mixed conversation, a mixed company. But because it wasn't a secret to John, because he knew all his, most of his life, and then it's not necessarily a secret to the inter-family, so why was it? What do you think prevented them from saying, oh no, because he's adopted.
Speaker 3:Right then and there so I think, as she's telling the story and I'm listening what hit me, knowing how my mom's thought process was, I think that she said her mindset was I'm going to tell him and then I ain't got to deal with it. No more Truth is out, so be it. I can see that being the mentality versus. I don't want to have to have this conversation 13 years from now, where now I got to do a lot of explaining. If I tell you from the beginning and you already know now, you know, keep it moving.
Speaker 4:But not necessarily you. But I'm talking about the people who were making the statements of oh you look like Carolyn, oh you're so tall. I don't know why those people at that moment, given moment in time they could have said, have said well, because he was adopted well. I would just jump in this double dutch to say that I could see a little bit of pain in her face. I think that that's what I mean by we haven't dealt with the trauma of it. So I told him I did what I thought was right when he was little because, literally when she told him, John just went right outside back to play right.
Speaker 4:so he just pivoted, kind of like how your mom was just like what's for dinner? Yeah, right. So even years later, when we got married and I instigated probably the all right, let's find your birth family, his mom was totally against it, shut it down. She shut it down.
Speaker 4:And I think that it speaks to her feelings of being threatened Like no, I'm his mother and as long as I'm alive, I'm his mother and I don't want anyone coming in here taking that place. And that's exactly what how my mother approached it, because even in her death, no one said anything.
Speaker 1:No one. You say that their cases are different, but the parents' mindset is the same.
Speaker 3:Exactly how it was brought out was different, but that trauma piece is the same.
Speaker 4:What was interesting, though, is, after carolyn underwood passed away, we're driving home from a family reunion from alabama, and it's set the stage. It's me and john pop underwood and jaylen jordan in the car, and, as we're driving home, I don't know what placed it on John's heart to say this but, pop, I want to find my birth family. Are you okay with that? Because I know mom shut it down years before and, interestingly, he said yes, I want to know too. Well, the thing is, you got to keep in mind how women think and how men think, because I know, if it was opposed To my father in that sense, if I had already known, I believe that he would have like yeah, but when it comes to the mothers, that's a different story, it's a different connection, because I do know that I believe my father tried to tell me before he died he just couldn't do it.
Speaker 4:He couldn't do it, Wow, Because he knew at that point whether he knew before or not that I knew because my mom pretty much controlled when it came to us, she pretty much controlled that when it came to my brother and I.
Speaker 4:So I feel that you know he really tried, because he may have thought that she told him it's not like they were going to. They sat us down together and said okay, you're adopted. If it was going to happen, it was nine times out of just. My mom won't tell us, I'm just being for real, Because my father was a very quiet, quiet man, but when he spoke everybody listened. But when it came to us she was really in control. So I don't think if it was opposed to him in that manner that I had already known he was like yeah, that's fine with me, but because he knew for 100 percent that she didn't tell us, he tried to tell us because his siblings Well, I know my aunt was trying to say you need to tell her, you need to tell them, and I think he really tried. I really truly believe he tried, but he just couldn't do it. But he just couldn't do it.
Speaker 4:So, getting back to to John's story, I'll just share with you that. You know, because it was I don't I call it an open secret only because of that nuance of we didn't talk about it with. We didn't talk about it with outsiders because they would say oh, you look just like your mother. Oh, look, picture. They will hold up pictures if they were looking at pictures together of the two of them. And so that's what I mean by an open secret. Many of us on on his side of the family, we all knew right. And then there would be kind of this awkward looking around like nobody corrected it, because it was almost like John was such a special and if Carolyn didn't say, because she's the only one who could say Right, and if she didn't?
Speaker 1:say anything everyone would have fallen in line.
Speaker 4:Everyone fell in line, and John was the coveted child. I mean, she did everything for him.
Speaker 4:And I think Johnny Underwood Jr just fell in line because, this was the gift that God had given her and to her. Because of that gift from God, because of that spiritual belief and connection and relationship with God, it was almost like she believed that there was a fusing of genetics Like this is my genetic child, this person is my child, so in every way, including biological. So when we, when we have children, when we have children carolina was still alive and the girls don't know, so I think the bigger story here for us, oh so, they didn't know, they didn't know.
Speaker 4:oh well, that's another podcast with our kids, because our, my kids didn't know either. So them being at our family functions. Part of that open secret was the children don't know, and they are toddlers and you know, by the time they actually do find out.
Speaker 4:I can't remember exactly how old they were, but we literally sat them down In our home and we shared the news with them in our home and we share the news with them, and I can only liken it to how it must have felt for you to find out as a child, because that's the only sort of we have to tell you that your father's adopted and the incredible sort of downward truth that that meant for them. So, gammy, carolyn, what she's not my, my biological grandmother also, what does that mean for me? Oh, yeah, because it. No, I'm like, yes, because that's the same thing that happened with Art.
Speaker 4:They were, they were Distraught, they were distraught. They were saying, oh, this is not me, this is not us. Correct, it's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot for them. And then you have to like say, ok, wait a minute, you're still are, your parents, are still who they are. It's us, that's the one who was adopted. It doesn't change anything for you, but it does change their thought process of the rest of their and the perception of the rest of the family with them.
Speaker 1:From their point of view, it does change for them.
Speaker 4:It changes for them, lisa, and let me just how old were your three.
Speaker 1:The way the kids found out was yeah, no one sat anyone down.
Speaker 4:They discovered it. They discovered it Also. Jayla and Jordan were very young.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think TC was like.
Speaker 4:I think Jasmine may have been in high school, maybe a freshman in high school. I think Maya was in middle school. These kids were still in elementary school. Maybe a freshman in high school. I think Maya was in middle school. These kids were still in elementary school.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think they were very, very young, and so that perception was like, wait a minute, so granddad's not our real granddad, and so we would have to change our lexicon and our vocabulary. That's your real granddad, that's his dad, that's his mother, right, that is your grandmother and grandfather, or granddad and grandma. And so managing their psychological safety in the family was really, really important. But probably the more traumatic thing for us is when Carolyn Underwood died and then later my mother died. There was this incredible gaping hole. It was like we don't have that praying grandmother and they she died so young, um, and the girls were still very, very young, young elementary school. So they found out very early elementary school and what I mean by early, like kindergarten or first grade.
Speaker 4:And then when they, when Carolyn Underwood died, it was more like they were in third and fourth grade. So this idea of I've lost my praying grandmother, who is so close to us not only psychologically and mentally but geographically, because she was the grandmother in Virginia, right yeah, so she was closest.
Speaker 1:She was here.
Speaker 4:It was. It was so traumatic for them. So they would have almost and I don't know if you can relate to this or not, but they would hate going around family functions where their cousins had their grandmother. They would hate going to churches where their grandkids would have their grandmother. They would see it. Even in our extended crew family. They would see those who had their grandmother or how is this grandmother doing? How's that grandmother doing? We're going to go see grandma, so-and-so. And it was almost like you could see them clench up and just hate to be around. Wow, I didn't realize that.
Speaker 1:That explains some other things. This can go so many different ways. Yeah, because when you hear different things, you're like oh, and so you understand why they always felt like they really weren't connected, correct?
Speaker 4:And they tried so hard to be part of our extended crew family. They wanted to be included. Extended crew family, they wanted to be included, they wanted to be, you know, feel like a part of, or that sense of belonging because they did not have, and then shortly, like almost immediately, my mom passed away, right, so they just lost on both sides and see, the difference between our kids is is that the only one who really experienced my adoptive mother was Jasmine, and she was. So. When she died, jasmine was six, she was six, maya was three, and then, of course, tc wasn't here yet. So, and then you know, maya, her memory is very, very, very minimal and Jasmine was the only one who really had an opportunity to be with her and she's sick. So how much of a memory do you have?
Speaker 1:of that right.
Speaker 4:So growing up they had his mom, their meemaw, so she was there and she was enough to fill that space for them, for both grandmothers, you know. I.
Speaker 3:That's what you mean by call me.
Speaker 4:Yes, oh, my God, yes. And she, because she knew my mother. They were very close, so it was easy for her to be able to talk about my mom, to them because she had her own personal relationship.
Speaker 3:She was able to share the stories and they still had a presence. Yes, that was inputted in.
Speaker 4:I don't even know why I'm tearing up, but I am tearing up Because it's emotion why? Don't we have tissues here?
Speaker 3:So here's the thing.
Speaker 4:Because normally we don't cry. Okay, right.
Speaker 3:Just in listening, we talk about the nontraditional relationships and how, as adults, we've had many opportunities to recover, even though we don't always take advantage of it. And I'm going somewhere with this the children in their innocence, and I'm just listening to both. Like you said, yours didn't really have ours had for a moment and it was snatched away. But then you see how it impacts them in other circles, how this hurt. They generalize it into other spaces and it just to me illustrates that, why it's that important to have intentional, open communication within your family. Yes, and I think this is another reason why this space is so important, because the principles behind what we're sharing can help anybody.
Speaker 3:There are lots of things that happen within families that need to be addressed and need to be talked about. What happens after someone transitions? After the funeral, most people go back to business as usual. The families left to piece it together. Well, for me, I was trying to figure out how to navigate the space after Carlin passed away. Didn't do a good job at all, but then my kids watched, so now I'm modeling for them what to do, so they've picked up some bad habits. In addition to now I'm going around where I don't have a grandmother, because both of mine have transitioned and I don't want to hang with you because you taking your grandma for granted or you doing you know what I'm saying. So they picking up on little things but they don't have the language to say I just lost my grandmother. That's very insensitive, or you need to appreciate because you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:I'm just, I'm listening and it's just like you said, unlocking so many different things. I'm looking back to some of the probably unintentional hurt that we expose our kids to not understanding where they were. That's just when you know better, you do better. You know. So, hopefully, further down the line, long time from now, in the galaxy far away, when our kids have kids we can A galaxy far away we can hopefully give them some parenting nuggets. Maybe we need to do a book, maybe that's the phone, maybe we need to do a book.
Speaker 3:Maybe we need to do a book just to help with.
Speaker 4:Breaking those generational curses. And let me just also say that you know, I know this podcast is about non-traditional relationships. Whether it's so, I'm adopted and I want to give a plug to the amazing title, but it does create and you all's journeys, and it seems, like many of your guests over these past several, you know seasons this past 12 episodes.
Speaker 4:It forces you to create your chosen family and what I love about one of the things that came out, or benefit that our kids have had, is this chosen family here, right, our extended chosen family that people don't understand, right? I think people think, oh yeah, they're just. You know, they all went to church together and somehow it's so much deeper than that it's deeper. So many layers, so many layers. Yes, and I remember when Carolyn Underwood passed away, all the guys you know rushed up to Richmond to be in that hospital.
Speaker 3:And then she took her last breath.
Speaker 4:I remember us as a family coming together for whatever the crisis was, but also the good times, so many good times. Bourbon slush yes, the bourbon slush.
Speaker 3:Summertime bourbon slush. The mango bourbon slush.
Speaker 4:Summertime bourbon slush the mango bourbon slush a long time ago our cruising escapades, our all of our vacation shenanigans wherever we may, wherever it took us, but I say that to say, because of those incredible deficits, that Something beautiful came out of it.
Speaker 4:Something beautiful came out of it, because if we went down the path that we I'm not going to say that because we went down the path we were supposed to go down but if we went down the path staying with our biological family, none of this would be here, correct, I can guarantee that. Correct, none of us would be. Our crew wouldn't be in existence. Uh, none of this would be here. We would not be having this conversation, correct, and it just lets you and make you appreciate that just because we are not genetically bound, it's we are each other's chosen family and I do feel like there's some type of supernatural bonding of us that god placed. Oh, absolutely so. So when jaylen, jordan go out and say, hey, I'm going out with my cousins, they don't say oh, oh, my play-play cousins. They say my cousins.
Speaker 1:You try to tell them you're not really your cousins.
Speaker 4:Correct To that earlier point there's no correction when someone would say oh. Johnny Underwood, you look just like Carolyn Underwood. No correction, no correction. My cousins are coming over to get me ready for prom. Wood, you look just like carolyn underwood. No correction, no correction. Yes, you know, my cousins are coming over to get me ready for prom or they're, you know that's all they know, that's all they know I can't wait till I grow up, till my cousins come over to prom because they watch, and so that has helped.
Speaker 4:I'm not, you know, fill that void. It hasn't, um, completely erased the void, because you can, even as adults here, you can look at jaylen jordan and say, you know, fill that void, it hasn't completely erased the void, because you can, even as adults here you can look at Jalen Jordan and say, you know, I could see a little bit why, or I understand, you know maybe why they're reserved or why, you know, whatever the case may be, but I can definitely say that it has helped.
Speaker 1:Absolutely you know. And then there's that side where you know there's always that good side, but then there's always that ugly side of the whole, realizing that your adoption, that you adopted. I just watched Lisa go through a phase where the kids was it's all I know to be mine. It's all I know to be mine. It's all I know to be mine. This is the only blood that I know of and that took a different turn Just with the way we disciplined. You know it, it, it. In that whole, whole process there was a wedge that was put there what do you mean by wedge with our marriage?
Speaker 3:mm-hmm because did she recognize that it was because of?
Speaker 1:well, but it wasn't a different.
Speaker 4:I was in a different mindset, especially when, where those are mine, and then when I, when I it really put a wedge in it when I found my mother, and I don't know if you can attest to this, but when you find your biological mother, you revert back to being a kid, a child.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 4:Your mind is like childlike Mind you. I'm a grown adult, married kids dog, you name it, but I was all consumed with her.
Speaker 3:It's almost like you're trying to make up for lost time.
Speaker 4:A lot of lost time. I'm just consumed and no one else mattered at all.
Speaker 1:She found her mother.
Speaker 4:We still had seven years, we had seven years where I just really honed in on my kids and held tight.
Speaker 3:Held real tight. What was the catalyst or the turning point that made you go?
Speaker 4:into that zone, because that's all I knew, because at that time, you remember, I just felt that my whole entire life. So this happened right after you found out. Right after I found out, that's what I knew, because at that time, you remember, I just felt that my whole entire life so this happened right after you found out, right after I found out.
Speaker 3:That's what I remember she said seven years they didn't find out seven years.
Speaker 4:Okay, it was a minute before I found out who my biological mother was and then you know, I'm just like, well, that's not my family, I mean, and, mind you, my dad's family.
Speaker 4:He's the oldest of 11 kids and they all had kids, and there's a lot of them that are still here living in Virginia. So I have a lot of cousins, right, I have a lot of cousins. That's here, and I just, you know, like I said, you know I kind of like pushed back on quite a few things when it came to the family. Don't ask me to do it. It affected our marriage it did.
Speaker 1:Because now I'm bothered because so many people knew you want to be protected now, and so now I'm like why are we here Now, lisa's in this world with the kids? I'm in this world with the kids. I'm in this world right, and I'm mad at all of this right because of the way I felt like I got thrown into it not only that you see the hurt that she's got.
Speaker 4:Oh man, it was, it was terrible but could you, in the midst of her holding on so tight this is before meeting the biological mother Could you logically see that you know what. I'm going to give her some grace because I think she's doing this or this particular argument today is because she's like this is my biological and you could articulate it and go.
Speaker 1:you know what I did that for a little while, but it just was so much just going on. It was a lot going on. I did not have the language or the capacity to handle it. I'm working in the police department.
Speaker 3:You didn't even recognize it for what it was.
Speaker 4:Exactly.
Speaker 1:I had things, it was just compound. Now I'm dealing with what's happened to my wife, to the secrets that were held back to now, where it has turned into a devastating situation for us. The way we're looking at it, because I've watched this go from being that loving person and being the one to set up everything to being that person that I just I don't want to be bothered, I don't want to be bothered.
Speaker 4:I don't want to be bothered. There's enough of us out here. Go get them. Well, one of the things that I found interesting because it was an open secret and then, once the girls knew we've never held secrets from the girls we would always tell them in our house. The culture of our home is we don't hold secrets because I never wanted them to something to happen to them at school or happen to them, you know, with a family member and then they don't tell us. Or you know the thing that we all dread no secrets. And but when I did have children Like, or when we had children, I was like what is being exposed today?
Speaker 4:When we had children. One of the things and this is this is what I mean by it's a little different because he was adopted, I believe he a couple of things happened for john and I'm watching on the outside looking in. He is so excited to have his first biological relative in jail. He told it to everybody. He's like this is so. It was in real time and of course I know he's told the story in recent episode, past episodes, where you know the doctor's asking us what's your medical history? We don't know. We don't know if she has sickle cell trait or whatever the case may be, and that's what actually sparked me to go look for his biological family back in 2006.
Speaker 4:But the interesting thing for us is that I would share is that John held so tight to Jayla and Jordan when they came. It was almost like I don't know if you all remember he'd be in church and he'd be the one to hold him the whole time. You know, like that proud mama where you wanted to hold your baby in church. Oh, can I see the baby? That was him. I distinctly remember he was doing a program in the evening and, um, that is a church program and and're all there, the whole extended family, the whole crew, and John was holding the baby. I said John, I got the baby and everyone was like Janice, why you got John holding the baby? I'm like he wants to hold the baby, janice, don't you know he's working, he can't hold the baby. He tried to grab the baby and walk around the baby. He was holding on so tight and I caught hell because it was like you're not being a supportive wife, mother, like take the baby while John is up on stage or something.
Speaker 4:So I say that to say what that transition to actually, though, when they came out of infant baby stages stages is, john would get jealous of the girls and the wedge that would happen in our marriage was that if I come home I've worked all day, I'm in my PhD classes, I wouldn't get home until 10 o'clock at night. If they happened to be up and I went and said hello to them first, cause they run to the door, cause they hear me and he's still in the, you're supposed to say hello to me first you know he would get kind of jealous of them because I would pour in at the mother thing you know that mother bonding he would get really, really, really jealous of the girls, john, cause it seems like you had something to say in contrast to that.
Speaker 3:I'm not going to disagree. There were moments at the time I didn't, like you said, have the capacity and the language to really express the why behind it Jealousy is such a negative part.
Speaker 4:Such a strong word.
Speaker 3:To me there's levels of jealousy.
Speaker 3:Correct and what it was. If that makes sense, I want it to be, and I'll tell you where it stems from. I want it to be the priority. I remember what was modeled for me. My dad would come in the house and I remember crawling to the door and he would acknowledge my mother first. So there was a level of well, this is out of order. Or, at the end of the day, looking back, I can just appreciate having a wife that loved her kids, that would pour into them. So it was growing pains for me, me dealing with, you know only child syndrome, as I said, being so, so sensitive that they call me so just really unpacking that's taken out, unpacking a lot of different emotions but not really wanting to vocalize where it stems from. Because a lot of times, most times, we don't like to deal with the root of problems. We don't like to get our hands dirty in the dirt, we want to deal with the surface and pluck, and then it just re-sprouts. We don't want to go down and dig it up so it doesn't reoccur.
Speaker 4:And so that reoccurring, or that root issue was that feeling of inadequacy. It was that feeling of I'm not enough or I don't have that sense of belonging.
Speaker 4:I don't know who my family really is, I don't know where I come from and Jayla and Jordan do Right, and so we would have conversations and we would, we would interrogate you know his feelings about like, because there would be a little argument right after that. It would, it would like like a tinderbox, yeah, and so then we would have to unpack, like John said, and say finally we would dig it up and we would get to the root, said and say finally we would dig it up and we would get to the root. And it always came back to I'm adopted and I don't get to have the feeling of psychological safety that you have had that jaylen, jordan have are having and experiencing right now. I wanted this, this is what I thought I had, um, and, and now it's not, even though he knew early on but to see it in real time, to see what it looked like, how it makes you feel emotionally.
Speaker 4:He was proud, a proud daddy. He was there when they were born. He saw the babies come out physically. So he knew this is biological, his biological genetic family. But it was almost like this is a gift that I'll never have. I'll never have. I'll never because you'll never. And the thing is, the things that we go through you guys will never be able to understand because you've never experienced being on the other side. Yeah, right, you know what I'm saying. So how, our thought process I don't know why I'm crying, but our thought process is is different than your thought process, because you don't even know what you know and that's your biological path that you went down. We, we don't have that Right, so we think differently.
Speaker 3:You know it's interesting and I'm sitting here just reflecting. I think sometimes for me there was a shame to be. I was ashamed to say I'm doing this because I'm a doctor, because it would have been very easy to say it, but I couldn't for a long time say this is why and I don't know if it was that nuance, like we don't talk about Bruno, we don't talk about it.
Speaker 3:So you know, I I just, I don't know this. I'm sitting here listening. I'm like I believe you would have understood if I said look, I'm adopted. And I'm like I believe you would have understood if I said look, I'm adopted. And I just I don't have, I don't understand, I can't write Right and that would have been the safe safe card to play Right.
Speaker 4:And they could understand that you're looking at it from that, but they can never really fully understand the experience that you're going through. You know they can be empathetic to what we're going through, but to really know, because you're not really going through it yourself, you're just you're. You're because you love us.
Speaker 3:And maybe that's why I didn't share, because the belief, well, you're not going to understand when I tell you anyway. So why even tell you? And again, that's a very I don't want to say immature way to look at it, but sometimes when you're in that tunnel by yourself, that's all you can go on. You only know what you know, and there's a lot of safeguarding. That goes on.
Speaker 1:Well, the gate comes up.
Speaker 4:Well, and I think that that has bonded almost you and I, because we are the spouses of those who have been adopted and I remember in our crew family, if something was happening with John, for whatever reason, someone might say you know, you need to talk to Titus. You need to talk to Titus because I think this has something to do with it, like he's been dealing with this a little longer. Um, and by that obviously we've known the whole time but the trauma that how you all found out it was, it's always been. You should go talk to Titus, and I say that to say that I have just appreciated watching how you all have moved in these spaces, right the journey, and it's an onion because it unfolds. Hey, janice, I'm going to go meet my so-and-so for the first time, and that was just what a month ago.
Speaker 4:Yeah, like you're still unwrapping this gift that is a gift that keeps on giving, and so I say that to say that this is a lifelong journey that we're all on, and God has connected us.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah, I agree, I agree, this is a this is a heavy.
Speaker 4:This is a heavy episode, y'all.
Speaker 1:It can go so many different places. Yeah, right now we're just concentrating on the adopted part of it and how we felt when we all found out. But as we talked, it trickled to the kids, it trickled to marriage, it trickled to the way you move in life. You know it's so many Non you know it just is so many non-traditional branches non-traditional relationships.
Speaker 1:You can go so many ways and I'm sure whenever y'all speak to the kids, that's going to be a whole different conversation. I know about kids. Yeah, that's going to be, yeah something different.
Speaker 4:Yeah, because it's just the way they found out. Yeah, because they yeah Something different. Yeah, because they interrogated me why you didn't tell them it's just true. You know, they had the evidence in their hand and they just caught me off guard. Wow, I was like yes, and then yeah.
Speaker 3:Wow, so I know we got to get ready to land the plane. I always want to walk away with some deliverables, some action items, and this is a question just for anybody, with this being the holiday season when we're recording, you may watch it at any time. Click that like button. Share all that good stuff. Yes, what advice would you give? Good stuff? Yes, what advice would you give?
Speaker 3:And you all can speak from the perspective of supporting someone who is going through the journey of adoption, whether they're just finding out or they want to find out, whatever it may be, because during the holidays it brings to the surface a lot of emotions. Um, because a lot, lot of people just they don't know what they don't know, so they're used to. Oh well, the holidays are this. Well, the holidays aren't great for everybody, right? Sometimes it may be a reminder of what you don't have. Sometimes it may be a reminder that your situation is not the traditional situation. If you could give some encouragement, words of wisdom or something to those who are listening, that may be wrestling during this season, you know, what would you say to them?
Speaker 1:anybody, it doesn't, lisa you always have a way with words. Yeah, go ahead, janice, you always have a way with words.
Speaker 4:Yeah, based upon what we've been through and survived, I would say we're stronger as people, individually and collectively. Our marriage is stronger. We've overcome so much Hindsight's 20-20. So my advice to everyone watching especially if you are thinking about or you realize or you just found out that you are adopted or you are supporting a spouse or a partner that is adopted, I would say approach the relationship with curiosity, and some of the things we've talked about today speak to that, because right now you may not have the language or the capacity to understand that this little argument today about who's cooking the yams is an argument that really stems from this feeling of inadequacy that goes deeper in the pain of being adopted and so on and so forth. So thank you, lisa, for allowing John to cook the yams today. You're welcome.
Speaker 3:Oh wait a minute 30 second time out.
Speaker 4:How did I get put on blast? But in those, in those, they better be good. They're going to be better be good. That's all I got to say. But listen honestly, they're going to be good.
Speaker 3:They're going to be great. I want to tell you that I hope your insurance plan is right, because somebody's going to bite their finger off.
Speaker 4:Here's the. This is what I mean by approaching the non-traditional relationships with curiosity, so that you think you take the time to think the best of the other person and so that that argument, which is stemming from a place of hurt, really has nothing to do with, probably, whatever you all are arguing about on the surface. So, as a spouse, what I had to do was really approach John with a level of curiosity so I could help unpack it. So a lot of the times I had to leverage my own sort of self-awareness to say, right now I'm going to decrease, so I can help John increase. Let me allow him to get the time he needs to get to the end result of understanding why this is happening. Like it took him some minutes we're arguing about whatever the case may be and and I remember our first year of marriage he was like but get it, we're getting a divorce. He says these words to me. So I sat back in the bed. I was like, okay, whatever, and I just let him go off on his tangent.
Speaker 3:You know the argument was Sweeping the floor.
Speaker 4:It was sweeping the floor and, like I knew, those are the serious ones.
Speaker 1:I knew that this was the You're going to tell me I can't sweep, I'm not going to sweep.
Speaker 4:It was the dumbest argument. So when he went all the way from a zero to thousand well, we're just getting a divorce went all the way from a zero to thousand Well, we're just getting a divorce and I thought about sweeping the floor. And then you just put that in a divorce decree, Right? Not unrecognizable difference, because this argument about sweeping the floor.
Speaker 3:Let me clarify, because what it stemmed from was again not having the language or the mindset. I felt like I was being attacked because what I had learned growing up wasn't right or inadequate.
Speaker 3:So, now, not only are you attacking me, you're attacking everybody that grew up with my household. You're talking about my mama. We got an issue, so that's how, again, this root stems a branch that when it's tapped, it goes directly back to that nerve and if we don't address it, that could have caused me to walk away from the best thing that ever happened to me.
Speaker 4:You damn right.
Speaker 3:I just want to write my name in the velvet.
Speaker 4:And because you said that communication is the key to everything, because everything you said. I ditto that Because there's a lot of things that take place, because I guess and the thing for me is that I didn't know but I was still going through it, because still in the back of my head there was something different about me, but I just didn't know. So that caused a lot. And then again, the way I was raised, because I try to put everything that I saw my parents do into this relationship and that ain't work at all, at all at all. And then, on top of it, finding out that I was adopted when we still didn't get it straight from the beginning. You know just the way we, because we were raised differently, that didn't work. On top of finding out I was adopted, it put a lot of different wedges in our, in our marriage. But I again, I thank God because we weathered through the storm.
Speaker 4:We still here we still together, we're still together yeah, so curiosity is my approach with curiosity, and always try to give the best, give people the best intentions, assume best intentions, yes, and communicate. I mean, you know, but you can't communicate your feelings when you don't understand your feelings yourself. Right, you know and that's part of it.
Speaker 4:That was part of it because I didn't understand my own feelings of how I felt about things Exactly. I didn't know. So, as the spouse, what I'm saying to those who might be watching is, if you are in a relationship, a partnership, a friendship, a marriage with someone who is in that, in whatever stage they are, in assume best intentions.
Speaker 4:Yeah, because they are going through some of the most traumatic truths and reflections, and almost I don't mean to speak for you, but like, it's almost like even if it heals, you might think back on something and have a new revelation and the hurt can start all over again. So you're in this constant continuum that you don't know when that healing or that hurt will be resolved. And then when I find out oh wait a minute that what I thought was resolved it's still there and John, will you know express, you know, this is still bothering me. Or I realized, or I have this reflection that I know it's 10 years later, but remember this thing that happened at such and such event. Now I know. So it's almost like a pendulum that swings back and forth and so when it hits this side and I think we're all good it can hit the other side, and you know there's never, we're never at the destination.
Speaker 1:It's like and we've said this when you say destination, because that's something you never really reach.
Speaker 4:You never reach it.
Speaker 1:Because once you get there, you go on to glory.
Speaker 4:It's done.
Speaker 1:It's still well, not necessarily done Because there's. You know, when you're traveling you see the bumps and road. You know we're on the way there. We're on the way, we're trying to get to where you want to be, but when you get there, you're just not going to sit there, You're still going to continue, You're going to explore. You're never finished that.
Speaker 1:So the thing is there's a destination to a certain degree, but as long as we're on this earth, there's never really a permanent destination, like I said, until we've gone away from here. And you know, I would say that if you're dealing with a spouse who just found out the things like that y'all found out, especially the way Lisa found out about being adopted my first thought is okay, what's her family going to be like when she meet him? This is how I'm thinking. Okay, I'm thinking I'm about to become a protector because I don't know. You go into a situation not really knowing what you're walking into. If you're not careful, you go out there with great expectations and they're not met. So go in with an open mindset, however that may look. Don't go there expecting certain things, because it may not happen.
Speaker 4:It may not happen.
Speaker 1:And I mean we've had a great experience with our family, Lisa's biological family, even our adoptive family. We had great experiences. But when things come out like you said, it never ends. You think you're over it, but you're never really over it. It's how do you learn how to live and adjust in it? New, normal?
Speaker 3:New normal.
Speaker 1:New normal. It may always be there, but we just learn to deal with it. New normal, new normal it may always be there, new normal, but we just learn to deal with it.
Speaker 1:Be patient. It's not about you at this point, it's about your spouse. It's about what they're dealing with and sometimes that's hard to deal with. That's hard to deal with because you want to fix it, because I've always been a fixer, and it's something that you can't fix, that you can't control. I had to get used to being uncomfortable in a situation where I was trying to make police, but I couldn't do that. I would sacrifice certain things so that she would be comfortable. Where I was trying to make police a couple, but I couldn't do that. I would sacrifice certain things so that she would be comfortable to a certain degree, but I was really leery about things because I had a police mind. I'm thinking all kinds of stuff, I get that.
Speaker 4:I'm Googling people.
Speaker 1:Let's look at Google and see who's also.
Speaker 4:Who will come after money?
Speaker 1:but it's just that we really have to just sit back and just kind of go along with the ride, because we can't control it. We can't control it, it's really here and we need to support you and we're just riding to make sure that, hey, there's no one getting hurt, and we ride until the wheels fall off and we ride. And I mean there have been some corners where it's halfway like this Lisa you know, I'll put a salt cap on and I will ride.
Speaker 4:We know you'll pull up the Vaseline.
Speaker 1:That's right. We do know that it's been a good experience. But you just be ready for anything at that point. During the holiday seasons take time for the family. You do know that's right. If there's some things that you feel like could be done better, then make that step and try to make it better for the ones you do know. Then make that step and try to make it better for the ones who do know and then hopefully that will open up doors for other family connections.
Speaker 3:So Awesome that. All great points. I wanna say just on behalf of Lisa and myself and I don't think she would be upset with me saying this we wanna say thank you all. When we did the first episode, we mentioned that having you all at the table would bring a unique aspect to the conversation, and it is evident We've been talking an hour and a half.
Speaker 1:We only presented two questions.
Speaker 3:We've been talking an hour and a half. We only presented two questions, so I think it shows further that this umbrella that we're carrying for this so I'm adopted it creates so many runoffs that the sky's the limit, but ultimately it's a place for healing. The sky's the limit, but ultimately it's a place for healing, because I believe that our healing is connected to you all from a spiritual standpoint. You know, God gives you what you need when you need it through who you need.
Speaker 3:I mean through various individuals. He knew what our story was and he knew who he needed to put with us so that we would be successful in our journey and be able to endure the journey. So, as sometimes the pilot, sometimes as the co-pilot because in a marriage sometimes that role switches depending on the scenario Just want to say thank y'all very much. Yes, thank you, especially during this season where we can get caught up and I say we, not necessarily us at the table, but in general we can get so caught up in the commercialized aspect we forget to really just take time.
Speaker 3:And, like you said, the ones you do know, are you maximizing those relationships effectively? Are you maximizing those relationships effectively? You know, because you know there will be a day where you won't have the opportunity you can say I wish I could or should have. Well, you got plenty opportunities now. You got 24 hours in a day where you can pick the phone up. Now you can just send a text. If you don't have the language, just text back and forth. So again, thank y'all, thank y'all for taking the time to sit down with us at our table.
Speaker 1:Yes, we appreciate you.
Speaker 4:It's been an hour and a half.
Speaker 1:That's my table.
Speaker 4:Oh, I'm just joking.
Speaker 3:I said our the tapestry of the table.
Speaker 1:Yes, I was really hesitant to say that Sit down.
Speaker 4:We've been putting it off for a long time, but I had to lock y'all in today. It was hard getting them here. I just want y'all to know that. We made it all the way from Florida.
Speaker 1:But we just hope that something was said today.
Speaker 4:Yes, some good nuggets were dropped.
Speaker 3:But even beyond, for the listeners, I think there was some level of healing that took place, some affirmations that took place, some comforts that took place through just the conversation.
Speaker 4:And revelations. There's been new revelations, I think, even as we think about our own children as we think about our marriages, memories that have popped up.
Speaker 4:I know I could see the wheels turning in John's head and he was looking back like, oh wait, that was right. I'm just grateful for the conversation and my hope is that others who are watching will just continue to have those conversations, step by step, even if it starts small. To your point, lisa, it's so important that communication, approaching it with that curiosity, assuming best intent, but just have conversation, conversation, open conversation.
Speaker 1:Conversations will tap you into different emotions, like you're sitting here and there's been a few times you teared up. You don't know why you're tearing up, but it's still. It's like it's old, but it's really new. It's always new, it's forever new.
Speaker 3:That's why I don't sweep now.
Speaker 4:He doesn't y'all, he don't sweep. Hey, whatever works in your relationship, I don't even sweep the grass, I'd do a blower.
Speaker 3:Don't play them games. It's dramatic.
Speaker 4:It's dramatic PTSD.
Speaker 3:So again we want to say thank y'all for taking the time to invest and hopefully this was beneficial. Hit that like, hit that share. Tell somebody about our platform. If you want to be a guest, if you have a story, please send us a message, send us an email. We respond to those emails. We've had people reach out and express their journeys. Happy holidays.
Speaker 4:Happy holidays. So make sure we are on Instagram, facebook, tiktok. Spotify and all major platforms that you can find your podcast. And definitely on YouTube.
Speaker 3:Yes, and we do have beta VHS tapes if you need it.
Speaker 4:No, we don't.
Speaker 3:Some people don't even know what that is. Check this out. We were watching something and Jordan the guy said Walkman. Jordan was like what's a Walkman? I was like, don't say that out loud. We failed you Seriously. We want to tell you all to have a happy holiday.
Speaker 4:Happy holidays.
Speaker 3:Enjoy your family.
Speaker 4:Yes, take time out for your loved ones.
Speaker 3:Yeah, invest your time.
Speaker 4:Invest your time, like my hubby over here said.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So we love y'all and I think this will be our no, but we'll see you in the new year With bigger and greater guests bigger deafer. I don't know how much more, greater you can get than us right here.
Speaker 3:We gonna tell you the truth wait till you see the bloopers from this. Alright, so I'm John. I'm Lisa and we are adopted y'all want to outtake like like. I'm Janice.
Speaker 4:I'm Janice, and we are the spouses of those who are adopted how about these two?
Speaker 3:what's with the spirit finger? And y'all have a great year, so many years.
Speaker 4:Spirit fingers and lines, All right this is great. Until next time.
Speaker 3:Until the next episode.
Speaker 4:Take care.
Speaker 3:Bye-bye Take care.
Speaker 2:Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted podcast. We hope that this was informative and educational. You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook at so I'm Adopted. Also subscribe to our YouTube channel so I'm Adopted. And again, thank you for listening and until next time.
Speaker 1:Make the choice to begin your healing journey.
Speaker 4:I got it. No, I got it.
Speaker 3:We did get some stuff from Wayne. We did get some really good stuff.
Speaker 4:We love you, Wayne, Whenever you see this. We got it. We did get some stuff from Wayne. We did get some really good stuff.
Speaker 3:We love you Wayne.
Speaker 4:Whenever you see this, we love you.
Speaker 3:We actually got 61 items from Wayne 61?. Dj 61.
Speaker 4:She was like 61?. We just haven't been able to use it yet. We have to figure it out, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's the value, it's the value, it's the value.
Speaker 3:Qualifications.
Speaker 4:A lot of.
Speaker 3:Are y'all?
Speaker 4:ready, you ready.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry.
Speaker 4:I've seen some more, okay, okay.
Speaker 1:Jesus Okay.
Speaker 4:I'm impressed the button on that thing. We didn't press what button? I didn't press the button. No more distractions. We're doing this. What in the world? This is what I'm saying. If you ask for tea, he's going to get up and go get some more tea. He's going to be ready for a Christmas party tonight, though. All right, you ready. So, john, why are you looking at me? It ain't my fault.
Speaker 1:I didn't say anything, I just looked up, okay.
Speaker 4:So whenever you're ready, john, you can go ahead and start. All right, three, two. One action. All right, three, two one action.
Speaker 1:Why did you put your glasses on? I was, oh, forget it, I'm sorry oh.
Speaker 4:All right Action.
Speaker 3:Okay, you ready, tiger.
Speaker 1:Ready Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:Okay, you don't want me to pray? No, you can. If you need to, all right hey.
Speaker 4:So we just want to say happy holidays and welcome to our.
Speaker 3:Oh, I thought you said stop. No, no, I was like start over john, john you're distracted like no she was it's all good?
Speaker 1:adding.
Speaker 3:Adding on.
Speaker 4:We have extra people here today, so don't mind us. Let's start all over.
Speaker 3:Somehow or another that's going to get. It needs to be seen, I think so. You're sweating? No, I'm not. Why are we even talking? I'm going to sweat. Now that you brought attention to it, I haven't sweated the whole time.
Speaker 4:Now that we're sitting down with you, it's a little more Okay and sweated the whole time and now that we're sitting down with you it's a little more. Okay, you're a little nervous. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry it was at 1800.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you got that out man, that one snuck up on me.
Speaker 4:You didn't know it was coming.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you don't know these things. I feel like a fart.
Speaker 4:Oh, we know about that.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm sorry, we're oh we know about that, Okay. I'm sorry.
Speaker 4:Okay, we're going to start all over.
Speaker 3:We know about what Go ahead start Did I?
Speaker 2:fart. No, oh, I was wondering. You looked at me like we know about that. I didn't fart, I didn't.
