So.... I'm Adopted Podcast!
This podcast creates a space for genuine conversations about adoption, where emotions are acknowledged, journeys are reconciled, and a healthy acceptance of truths is fostered. Delve into the impact of adoption on all parties involved, gaining insights from adoptees, adoptive parents, biological parents, as well as professional psychologists and social workers. Explore the realities, reconciliation processes, and ongoing dynamics of adoption.
So.... I'm Adopted Podcast!
So... I wish I was Adopted.
Our latest episode of "So I'm Adopted" or should we say "So I wish I was Adopted", promise to deliver a heartfelt tale and more.
Join us as we navigate the intricate world of nontraditional family dynamics. Our conversation sheds light on the emotional intricacies of mixed-race identities and strained family relationships, offering hope through stories of reconciliation and healing. With insights from our guest, Katrina, we explore the unique paths people take, from education to unexpected career shifts, and the resilience required to thrive amidst adversity. Katrina shares her personal experience of growing up on a military base, feeling like an outsider as a mixed-race child caught between two worlds. From the pivotal moment Her mother considered giving her up for adoption, to her father's decision to bring her to Virginia, every aspect of her journey is laid bare.
Discover how upbringing influences personal growth and relationships, particularly within marriage and as parents. Reflections on parental figures, both biological and adoptive, highlight the lasting impact of early adversity on parenting styles. We delve into the cultural nuances of identity, sharing anecdotes about essential Black films and the crucial role of a supportive community. Trina opens up about her healing journey from a challenging childhood, emphasizing the importance of love and understanding in shaping our identities. This episode is a testament to the power of shared stories in fostering connection and resilience.
Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood
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Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk everything adoption. This journey is not one we take alone. Together, we grapple with raw emotions that surface from adoption stories. We want you to be comfortable enough to heal, so sit back and go with us on this journey as we dive deep into adoption. All right, let's jump in. Hello, hello, hello. And we want to welcome you to another episode of so I'm Adopted. What's going on, lisa?
Speaker 1:Nothing much, man, nothing much. How are you?
Speaker 2:I am doing. I am doing, enjoying life, trying to keep my head above water and make the adjustments with family changes and one being in college and another one on her way to college soon. Yeah, just trying to take a breath.
Speaker 1:Welcome to my world.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you got one in and two to have finished.
Speaker 1:Two to have finished. One is going to be finished December 7th. Congratulations, congratulations.
Speaker 2:Thank you, we'll be all done, all done.
Speaker 2:So we're going to jump right in Again. As you all know, we created this platform so that we can talk about nontraditional relationships and we started something a while back where we just brought light to celebrities who are adopted or are in this adoption umbrella. And today I want to talk about somebody. Her name is Jamie Lee Curtis and again, you know she's because I grew up I'm not going to age myself, but I grew up watching Jamie Lee Curtis. But I did not know that her and her husband, they adopted two kids and she has a biological daughter as well. A lot of times you don't see families that adopt and have biological normally or some situations. Well, that's not true because celebrities sometimes, once they get past that age of childbearing, then they adopt thereafter. But I did not know that Jamie Lee Curtis had two adopted children. So that is my celebrity deposit today.
Speaker 1:Oh, ok, very good, very good, I like that one. I think I kind of knew that, but not sure. I think it didn't sound too familiar, unfamiliar to me. So before I tell you who my person is, I want to do it, do a headline in the headline news. So you know I'm always watching different podcasts and things. So this one came across which was very, very interesting. This man in chicago, he um didn't know he was adopted until he was in his late 30s or so, and he always goes to this particular bakery in chicago. It's his favorite bakery. And so once he got old enough, once he realized that he was adopted, so he did the whole ancestrycom, dna and all that stuff comes to find out that the bakery, his favorite baker, was his birth mother. Shout out to the name of the bakery. It's called Give Me Some Sugar. That's the name of the bakery in Chicago, and so it was like they always knew each other. It was like they were never apart for 30-something years because this was his spot, this is where he always went to.
Speaker 1:Did the mohawk know who he was, didn't say I don't think so. Oh, that's crazy, isn't that crazy? Wow, I'm like wow, you're going to this bakery every single day. Home cooking, home cooking. I love it, I love it, and so that is my headline news for today.
Speaker 2:Awesome, good stuff, good stuff.
Speaker 1:So I know that we are talking about nontraditional relationships today with our guests, are talking about non-traditional relationships today with our guests, so I decided that I was going to pull up a non-traditional um person, and that person is is john lennon ah I saw that yes, john lenning, you know, is one of the founding members of the Beatles was raised in a non-traditional family.
Speaker 1:His parents separated when he was young and he was primarily raised by his aunt, mimi Smith, after his mother, julia, deemed that she would be better for him. Although Julia remained present, his mom did remain present in his life. Although Julia remained present, his mom did remain present in his life. His aunt was the one who really provided him that stability and allowed him to become that creative, independent artist that he was today during his famous time as a Beatle. So shout out to Aunt Mimi.
Speaker 1:Got to have an Aunt Mimi, got to have an Aunt Mimi, gotta have an Aunt Mimi. So, yeah, I thought that was interesting, john Lennon, wow the little. Yeah, what is that? The yellow submarine? That might be a little bit too old, too old for you, maybe it is.
Speaker 2:I recognize it, but no.
Speaker 1:Hey Jude, no Okay.
Speaker 2:Well on that note.
Speaker 1:I understand that you have someone for us today, someone that you've known for a minute. So, introduce us to our guest, please.
Speaker 2:I am excited to have my friend.
Speaker 1:Here's the thing you want me to add her in first?
Speaker 2:Yeah, go ahead and let her in, because I want everybody to see her face when I give this introduction. What's happening, trina?
Speaker 3:Hey, hey, hey hey.
Speaker 1:Hi Trina, hey, hey, hey, hey hi Trina. Hey, nice welcome, welcome, yes, welcome to our podcast.
Speaker 2:So let me give the. Let me give the introduction that she gave, and then I'll give my introduction. Okay, uh, trina was born in North Dakota and then she moved to Wyoming. They came to VA when she was eight, going on nine, she claims VA as her home and then for 14 years we worked together at an alternative education center for children with autism. We were the squad. It was yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we all grew up together. That was, you know. We learned a lot of life lessons there. Yes, she was also a bartender on the side, and then when COVID hit, you know, bars weren't open. So that's when she transitioned from being a bartender to working for the post office Okay, working for the post office since then. And she has let me make sure I say this right she has oh, there, it is Okay, she has a mother that raised her.
Speaker 1:And then a mother that birthed her All right.
Speaker 2:I feel that I feel that I feel that too I feel that Currently she's married and has an amazing husband.
Speaker 2:That's my guy, tony, my guy. She has two wonderful kids as well and again, like I said, because I've been knowing Trina, I've seen them grow up and just mature. So to have this conversation today, trina has been. Let me give you a little known history fact. So the first time that I met my brother, we went to the bar when Trina was working, because we wanted to find a neutral place with somebody. So I said Trina, are you working today? She said yeah. I said listen, this is the scenario. She was like oh my God, oh my God, give it away that you know me.
Speaker 2:It was just, it was a great to have her on this platform now because she's been a part of this whole journey and her story is so unique. When we started talking about nontraditional relationships, she was one of the persons that I had in my mind of you know, her story is so amazing and it can help so many other people not from the standpoint of oh you know, I'm going to change something, but no, just to hear that everybody has a story.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And when you understand and you accept your story, then you're able to understand your why. We always talk about that. So Trina, and I call her Trina Lee, although I just found out, like that's not her name- so I call her Trina Lee, although I just found out that's not her name.
Speaker 2:I always thought it was the middle name, so I call her Trina Lee. That's fine, we can keep it like that. We can keep it like that. That means you got to change the bottom. It just says Trina. I'm joking, you got to change it.
Speaker 3:So Trina for our guest for Lisa, tell us your story. Oh my, I mean, I was born in North Dakota. It's so funny, Like the title of your podcast is. So I'm Adopted and I feel like almost my entire life I wish I was adopted.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, wow.
Speaker 3:I mean, I mean, we're not changing your podcast, the title, but but for Trina's episode.
Speaker 1:I wish I was adopted and I got a little antidote to say a little bit later, but I would.
Speaker 3:But, like he said, I was born in North Dakota on a military installation. The woman that gave birth to me and my father were married OK Interesting and they split up, slash divorced as an adult, split up, slash divorced as an adult. Now, I know it takes time, but they basically split up before I hit a year old and he was then stationed overseas. So I stayed with her and North Dakota was actually where she was raised, so her family was all there, was raised, so her family was all there. She remarried, moved to Wyoming he was also in the military, moved to Wyoming I never really considered him a dad because I wasn't treated like such, and she ended up having two other children with her husband and I was more of a third wheel.
Speaker 3:I also must say I don't really know how to say this the proper way but the woman that gave birth to me is white, my father is not white, my father is not um and uh. The the man that she remarried was a white man. So the children that they have did not look like me and I don't know if you've ever been in north dakota or wyoming in the 80s or 70s, 80s. We don't need to talk about age. Don't start with me, sir Not even in 2024.
Speaker 3:But you know what I mean. There's not many people that look like me. And when I was seven, going on eight, I guess the woman that gave birth to me called my father and said hey, do you want custody of your daughter? If not, I am going to give her up for adoption, I'm going to give her the social services. So how old were you at that time? I was seven, going on eight. I might've been early eight, um, and of course my father was like of course I want her.
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely no, no, no, no, no. I want her, I want her. He at that time was stationed um in Hampton, virginia, okay, Um, however, my father is also, uh, he's a police officer in the military, later became a police officer in the civilian sector. However, he follows things by the book and he at that time had a one bedroom apartment. You cannot have a child in a one bedroom apartment unless and he also had a girlfriend at the time who later became his wife. But, um, so there was.
Speaker 3:It took time, basically it took about a year for me to come out here to Virginia and this is, you know, what I call home, the woman at the time he was dating. Um, I also have to say I'm so sorry Again. I was born in North Dakota, in Wyoming. I knew that my father was Black, but he was the only Black person I ever saw. Oh, wow, ever, okay, and you came to Hampton and we flew into excuse me, I flew for the very first time by myself from Cheyenne, wyoming, into Norfolk, virginia, and the flight was I mean, I was young, you know, my dad picked me up from the airport and, in my mind, I knew he had a girlfriend and I knew that he lived with this woman and he picked me up by himself, which was fine. And when I came to the door of their house, there was another white woman there. What I was like this is your girlfriend. I mean okay, I mean you know, whatever you know, I don't know, trina, I have a question.
Speaker 2:I have a question. Yes whatever you know, I don't know, I just have a question. I have a question. Yes, so how many times like had you seen your father, with him being terry?
Speaker 3:seeing him I only remember twice. One was a funeral, so it was in and out, and another one I went to North Dakota to visit my grandmother, my aunt's, uncle's, cousins, and then he flew to North Dakota. Birth to me split her mother, brothers all took my dad's side and stopped kind of speaking to her as much. Oh really, yes, yes, um, so well, come to find out. It's so. If my story is so complex, I'm sorry if I'm not telling this in the right?
Speaker 1:no, but it's. I have a question.
Speaker 3:It's interesting why you keep referring to your mother as the person who gave birth to me, and she only gave birth to me because she wanted to have a child by a black man. Now, I didn't find this out till I was an adult, but I heard this. Her own mother told me. She told me, actually among other people but and when she had me she didn't need my dad anymore. However, when she remarried, I was in the way. She didn't teach me how to do anything. She didn't treat me like a mother treats a child, and I didn't realize this until she had two other children who she absolutely loved and adored and did everything for. Now, my brothers I rarely call, I don't call them anything but my brothers, but I really, if someone asks me, I'm an only child, my the brother. One of my brothers was three when I moved and the other one was eight months old.
Speaker 1:So you don't have a relationship with them today.
Speaker 3:Um, we have each other's numbers. Um we call each other um for important situations. As in um, she's in the ICU. As in, she's in the ICU, that's OK. So no, I don't. We don't do Christmas, we don't do birthdays. We don't say hey, hi, how you doing. No, we don't have a relationship.
Speaker 2:So do you think, do you have any ill feelings towards them because of the way that they were treated and you weren't OK?
Speaker 3:absolutely not. It wasn't their fault at all and they were young when I left, you know, and who knows what was said about me when I wasn't there, right and the reason and the reason I, because sometimes we can our emotions, we put them in different places so that we are able to harness them. Oh yes.
Speaker 2:Sometimes the anger because, well, you got what I didn't get. You know that's been. And again, I'm just asking just for discussion purposes, because I've spoke to people that you know they have a ill will against the sibling and, like you said, it's not the siblings fault. I didn't choose to be, you know.
Speaker 3:I was jealous of them that they got all of the things that I wanted and never got. But I didn't blame it on her. I was excuse me on them. I was angry at her.
Speaker 1:Gotcha Right Now. You know what about your, her husband, your stepfather. How did he treat you? Dorn knows that little bit of time you were there.
Speaker 3:The only time he spoke to me is if he was yelling at me or if he was beating me with a leather belt that he made himself with my name on it. Well, my name was on the buckle and if you think of Wyoming country men like it was a yeah, a name belt and. I never wore it.
Speaker 1:I never wore it, I didn't because that used to be a thing I had. I had my name belt yeah you know that that was in, that was in style, but that wasn't what that was for huh, ma'am, no ma'am. Wow, it's interesting that he would marry a woman with a mixed child to begin with. So I'm just trying to wrap my head around that part, because I would have thought in Wyoming that she would be taboo. You know, hands off. Well, she has a mixed child you would.
Speaker 3:I mean, I don't listen, they were in the military and they were on a military installation, and if you've ever been, I mean you've been in the 757. The military is a melting pot of all sorts of right, you know what I mean. And and that's where they met was on a military installation okay, so so you're saying her your stepfather was military also yes okay, yes all right
Speaker 3:so I moved here, um, when I was eight going online like right eight going online, and it was in the middle of the school year. It was a president's day weekend, there's a holiday, you know, february and, um, I had a. My first day of school was at Cooper elementary in Hampton, virginia, and my dad, you know he, took me to school, and my very first day the principal was a Black woman and I had never seen one before in my life.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 3:Like I'm not exaggerating this, I've never seen one the shows that I now I had seen the Cosby show, because that was, but other than I'm so, excuse me other than Claire Hugsdale on television. I never in my life, and this is what I. I looked at her from her toes all the way up and then all the way back to her toes and my dad, he looked at me, he just.
Speaker 3:But even being a military kid, you never experienced any black people on on base because now when I was in north dakota, um I, we moved out of north North Dakota when I was four, going on five. I don't have many memories of North Dakota. And then, when we moved to Wyoming, we didn't live on base, we didn't live on base Base Gotcha.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right.
Speaker 3:Okay, my elementary school was kindergarten through sixth grade, when I was in Cheyenne, ok, and there were two and a half black people I was the half and the other two were in fifth and fourth grade and they were siblings.
Speaker 1:So let me jump in real quick One.
Speaker 2:I love the transparency and just the. This is what it is and that's why I've always rocked with you, trina. Just because you're like I don't know how else to say it, I'm like, just say it like it is. When you said I was the half that part, that part right there. Some people would just glance over that. No, I wouldn't do like that. I got the yellow highlighter.
Speaker 1:You silly.
Speaker 2:So, on top of the dynamic of you being, like you said, the half I'm going to use your words having this experience now of seeing a Black woman, because most of the time we don't see Black men in education. So now you've been uprooted from the home dynamic, which there's a level of trauma based on what you described, and now you're put here on the other side of the world. What? As you're on that flight, let's go back just a little bit. As you're on that flight, let's go back just a little bit.
Speaker 3:As you're on that flight. What, as much as you can remember, is the thought process. Is it I am excited to go see my father? Is it I'm just so glad to be gone? Is it? I don't know? I'm scared Like what that you can recall, because I know it was what like 50? Don't start. I'm sorry For everyone listening. You are older than me. We don't need to know by how much. Thank you. Anyway, funny. My initial thought was I'm very excited. I'm about to go and live with my father. He's going to dump this woman that he's with and he's going to get back with my mother, like this is. This was my, you know, eight year old, eight year old Exactly, um. And then I quickly found out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's never going to happen, but you bring up. You bring up a good point because as a child you feel like I'm here, I want, I'm the replacement or I'm not going to be replaced. So a lot of children, I think, have that mindset. That's not my story, so I can't speak, but I can only imagine if you're being uprooted and it's like I'm running to this new place. I should be the new shiny toy. It should be nobody else.
Speaker 3:I just I wanted to be with. I thought that the man that that woman married was making them both mean. I knew that my father was not a mean man and so and I loved her I mean she was my mother at that time. You know what I mean. Like I wanted again. This is an eight-year-old, nine-year-old thinking of my, my dream you know I. I did not see her again, Gosh. I did not see her again. Gosh. Eight, going on nine. I did not see her again until I was 18.
Speaker 1:Whoa, whoa, whoa. So let's go back.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:Let's go back, I'll let you unpack. It's so many things I told you Before that. Let's go back to the day that your mom said that you were going to go live with your father. I mean, how? How was that conversation?
Speaker 3:Honestly, I don't even remember the details upon that. I know she asked if I wanted to and I said yes, but it wasn't a it wasn't a secret. I always made it very clear that that's what I wanted to do.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay, oh, you know not a send me to my dad type? No, because I would have got beat for saying something like that. But I mean I, I love my father. And she tried to talk dirt about my father but it never sunk in. You know what I mean. Like, um, johnny, you were saying how, um people are saying mostly it's black men in education that people don't see. And when I was coming up they were saying you know, my Black friends don't have their Black fathers. And I couldn't understand that because I've always had my dad, even when I didn't live with him. I knew that he was my dad, he loved me and he would bend over backwards for me.
Speaker 3:I still believe that about my dad and if you've met him you know. I mean, that's just so. There's different things that we just don't under. You know, I don't understand. Like people who say they don't have, they wish they had a parent in their life. That woman isn't one of them. I'm glad that most people are missing a dad. I felt at first I was missing a mom for a long time.
Speaker 3:I felt that way for a long time but my dad's girlfriend turned into his wife and like a year not even a year after I moved in and she, she, she turned into my mom. When I was about 15 or 16, I started calling her mom. You know, slowly. The first time I called her mom in public we were in the grocery store and she just kept walking and I'm like mom, she kept walking, mom, she's kept walking. Mary, oh, were you talking to?
Speaker 1:me that whole time and now I feel like if I called her Mary right now, she would smack me. My dad would smack me right yes exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3:She loved me. She loved my father and she taught me her and my father. I'm not leaving my father out of this at all, but, just as a woman teaching another woman, just being a mother, right, she was the mother to me that I needed. She showed me the love that I needed. Not just that I wanted, but that, you know, all kids need love Right, absolutely. All kids need love Right, absolutely. Of course, all of the crap that I put up with the first eight years of my life, she kind of had to undo that and help me grow into the person that I am today.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, so, okay. So, let's, let's bring it back to when you were 18. So, let's bring it back to when you were 18.
Speaker 3:So what was the situation? That you finally saw your birth mother for the first time since you were eight. Her sister passed away and it was a funeral and I was going to North Dakota and she was going to North Dakota. So that's the only reason why we were in this. That's the only reason why we saw each other.
Speaker 3:She, when I was 16 years old, I wrote her a four page letter we're not going to quote anybody because it's not that kind of song. Quote anybody because it's not that kind of song. But I did write her a four page letter about everything that I was feeling, like my parents put me through therapy and I spoke with a lot of different people and was in church and it was a very slow process to help me get through all of that. One of those was letting it out like how you feel about her, and I did. I wrote her a four page letter of everything that I felt was wrong and hurtful and I was supposed to come out to Wyoming to visit her and my brothers for the first time, you know, since I left, and she said that she couldn't. Oh, no, no, no.
Speaker 3:After that I'm sorry, after that four page letter, she stopped talking to me for two years and then I didn't see her again until that funeral. And by talking, that was just a call on the phone or a Christmas card or something. It wasn't very often and it wasn't on a regular basis either. You know, it's funny, it hurt then and it wasn't on a regular basis either. It's funny, it hurt then, but I'm so. I mean, over time she became the woman that gave birth to me. I mean, my mom is the one that raised me, who I just saw today, who told me to tell you hello. By the way, her and my dad.
Speaker 2:It was my people's, so I'm going to jump in on this. So, lisa, when I had my bout, where I was in the hospital for a while, her mom was a nurse.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:You know, I had heard of her mom but she came in and I guess she didn't know if I knew who she was. But she was the sweetest thing and she reminds me of my mother-in-law. Just her spirit, she's just that. And you know, just, she made my day. I never forget that day when she came in and she was like I don't know really anything that I can do, but I just wanted to check and it just meant the world to me and she is a extension of Tr Trina. I mean, that's just. I see where Trina gets that from. I also know Trina's dad. I see that side of her too. Okay, okay, perfect combination. But her folks, I can't speak. You know I can't speak enough. You know good about just the whole dynamic and again her story. It has so many layers to it.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I remember when we first started the podcast, she was like, oh my God. And I said I want you to be on there. She was like no, no, no, I don't want to. I said well, I understand. I said, but if you ever get to a point that you're willing, please take us into consideration. And as we evolved and we started talking about non-traditional, I showed her how her story is what we're talking about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because there's so many different layers to it and everybody thinks that they're on this island by themselves. But we have more in common than we don't.
Speaker 1:Then we don't they're more commonalities than we like to give credit to.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, yeah, if that woman gave me up for adoption, there's no clue where I'd be. I mean, I was already highly depressed before I even came here, and before I even came here I honestly tried to kill myself when I was seven years old. I mean, it was like this. I didn't know that you couldn't do it like that, but I'm just saying, if I could have, that's what.
Speaker 1:I tried to do Right. You know what?
Speaker 3:I mean, Like it was a, my parents definitely helped me get through a bunch of ooh and that's why I say I wish that my mom did adopt me, could adopt me, but that woman wouldn't, so she wouldn't allow that to happen.
Speaker 1:Um, let me see what.
Speaker 3:And her right parental rights. Um, she wouldn't end her parental rights because that's what my father wanted. However, she also wasn't paying child support because she said, in order for you to get your daughter, I'm not paying child support. And so, of course, my dad was like I don't care, he wanted me, right.
Speaker 1:Thank God.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, absolutely, and I do and I thank him often.
Speaker 1:Well, you, you know, you wasn't. You wasn't born for her, for your, the mother that birthed you. You wasn't. You was born for this woman, Because did they have any other children?
Speaker 3:No, well, it's funny that you say that A twist to the story?
Speaker 3:There is a twist. So my mother was born and raised as a Catholic woman. Unfortunately, she was taken severe advantage of and had her first and only birth child at the age of 13. And that child was given up for adoption. Oh wow, this was 50 some odd years ago and, like I said, she was 13 when she gave birth to this child and it was a closed adopt, you know, back then, whatever you can think of, and she was in New York. I know you're New Jersey, like it's the same kind of thing. Yeah, she's always wanted to know about this girl. Her name is Melissa.
Speaker 3:That's the name that she gave her but she didn't even hold her, couldn't even, and then they took her, the nuns took her away. I know her birthday and my mom just got to a point where she can actually talk about this and not get extremely emotional and extremely depressed, but I will say maybe three weeks ago she got a certified letter from the Department of Health of um. Um, however, however vital statistics, uh-huh. And says um, the records are closed for adoption, but your biological daughter wants to open them. Do we have your permission?
Speaker 1:my mom was like, oh my gosh, oh, my gosh, I can't sign this fast enough. Oh, wow, wow, yeah, that's how my mother, my birth mother, was when they found out that I was looking for them. They would, they could return the information back fast enough for them to say, yes, oh wow.
Speaker 3:So she hasn't heard any news yet. She's waiting on a response. She did try to get in touch with her daughter maybe 10 years ago, but you know lots of change in the DNA world and so on and so forth. She did get a hit. However, the person said I don't, I don't want to be found, but oh yeah, that happens.
Speaker 3:Right, and so my mom and she wrote her a letter. It was just like I am your mother and whenever you're ready, if you're ready, this is where I am and where I can be found. My mother respects everyone's wishes, but ever since she signed the agreement to yes, you can look me up, she hasn't heard anything back yet. She's okay with it. She's okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, but yes, yes.
Speaker 3:So I might have a sister. I mean like I have a sister, but I mean like you know might be able to see her.
Speaker 2:That's awesome.
Speaker 1:That is awesome. Oh wow, that's beautiful that really is.
Speaker 3:I had, of course. I asked my mom. I told her I was coming on your podcast and I wanted to make sure what I was allowed to say and not allowed to say. She was like yeah, it's fine, Say it all or whatever you want.
Speaker 1:I was like, because you never know they may be, they may be listening Exactly.
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 1:You never know, that's awesome.
Speaker 3:I told her that I would. I for the day. Maybe we could change the name of your podcast to I wish I was adopted. I found out that my mom is trying to adopt me. She said it's a little more difficult to do as an adult, but it can be done.
Speaker 1:Oh really.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:That would be amazing.
Speaker 3:Yes, oh, my goodness and I was like, and I just told her today that I was going to be on your podcast tonight and she's already been doing the research. Like so it's not like it just kind of.
Speaker 1:I was like oh my gosh, really mom, oh my goodness.
Speaker 2:So the nugget in that is it's never too late you know yeah too late. People feel like and again that goes back to us compartmentalizing emotions and situations so that we can coexist in this world. And even in my journey I was like, oh, I just want to know, and if I don't know I'm okay, but deep down I really wanted to know do I have?
Speaker 2:siblings and just all of the voids. And then, when I found out a little bit, I'm like I'm satisfied with this, but it created. Found out a little bit, I'm like I'm satisfied with this, but it created more of a hunger where I wanted to know well, who do I look like and can I let me share this nugget? I got a bunch of nuggets, trina. So not only was Trina the location sponsor for when I met my dad at my dad's funeral, sponsor for when I met my dad At my dad's funeral, trina was the MVP. Let me tell you why. The picture that we had of my biological mom, you're the one who took that picture.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:She's the MVP.
Speaker 1:Yes, thank you. Yes, you are, thank you, yes.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, right, yes, thank you. Yes, you are yes.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, right, yes, that was amazing, and she didn't even know.
Speaker 2:She didn't even know. She was like I think I took a picture of her. I was like let me see. And I showed it and they were like yeah, that's her. And I was like, oh my God. So my first time understanding and seeing this picture, she unlocked it, trina. Yes, she unlocked it, and I remember like I cried on the inside I ain't crying in front of y'all, but you know I cried but it was it was that moment of you know the child looking out the window waiting for the parent to come.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah even though she had a mask on and I'm looking like. So if I remove the mask, what does she look like and do I see my eyes and this and that, and so yeah, just publicly. Thank you, trina.
Speaker 3:Anytime, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I'm here for, so and I want to shift the discussion now. My question is with you having the experiences you had with the mother who gave birth to you and then for eight years, then you have an opportunity to go with your dad. Two questions the first one how did that impact you as a parent? How did that impact you as a parent? Number two, with the separation of them, with the abusive relationship that your biological mom had with her husband and what you had to endure, how does that impact, or how did that impact, your relationships as you got older? Does that impact or how did that?
Speaker 3:impact your relationships as you got older? Those are very good questions. Those are very good questions. I will say, if it weren't for my mom, I wouldn't be the mother that I am today my mom and my dad but when I, when I found out I was pregnant for the first time I believe in a woman's right to choose, and that's a whole other political thing. However, I couldn't do that to myself. She was not planned, so I was willing to give birth to her and give her up for adoption for someone that could love her and take care of her more than I could, and I voiced that and my mom was like nah, we'll take her, we'll take her. You know what I'm saying? You're not going to send her out into the world and you have to. You know what I'm saying? You're not going to send her out to the world and you have to break the cycle. Now she she didn't say break the cycle, but those were that's you know she took away from it, Right.
Speaker 3:That is what I took away from it. And and she helped me because there were times where I wanted to just pull my hair out with my daughter, who looks just like me and has the same, you know, quirks as me, and I'm just like. My mom helped me through that, like. She helped me break the cycle. The woman that gave birth to me did not get along with her mother. You know what I mean Like and and, and she didn't get along with. I found all of this out now, not till I was an adult, but you know I my mom helped me break that cycle so that I could be a good parent.
Speaker 3:And my dad I know I said that that woman used to say horrible things about my father to me. To my face, my father, even still, to this day, will not say not one horrible word about that woman. If I ask him a question, he will give me an honest answer, but he's not gonna put anything extra on it, or right, you know? And so, um, because I was in a relationship where I didn't get along with my son's father, I refuse to say bad things about him to him because that's what my father did to me. You know what I mean, and I ended up really disliking that woman for doing that, and I didn't want that to happen between my kids. Now my children are on paper adults. They still got a lot of growing to do, but we have a good relationship. We have a lot better relationship that I had with her, for sure.
Speaker 1:I'm sure. I'm sure and it's funny because of a lot of things that you learn, and I can only speak for my my story, because I wouldn't be the woman I am today if it wasn't for my adoptive mother, and it wasn't things that that was in my DNA, it was things that that I saw in front of me.
Speaker 1:Exactly the thing that you saw in front of you is what made you who you are, you know. So God orchestrates all things, all things Well, you went through what you went through for someone else to hear your first eight year story, but then to hear the joy on the other side. You know those real informative years. You had someone there for you. So that's why you're the parent you are today, the woman you are today, and those eight first eight years didn't really damage you. I mean you clearly you have. You know you had to go through some things to get through it, but it didn't. It didn't hold you back, it didn't make you not be the person you are today, correct. It didn't break you, it did not.
Speaker 3:It didn't break me. Yes, I agree it definitely made me stronger, that's for sure it did.
Speaker 1:And your kids are going to be better for it.
Speaker 2:I will say this I think that a lot of times we don't give credit for those situations and those people who put us in those situations. Because, you know, iron sharpens iron and in order to strengthen those muscles and that resolve, you know, and again I'm not going, I'm unapologetic God put you in a situation because he knew you had the DNA and the structure and the strength to be able to overcome it. He had to put you in situations situation because he knew you had the DNA and the structure and the strength to be able to overcome it. He had to put you in situations where you can be on that elliptical machine so you can get your endurance. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, everything has a purpose, everything has a process. When you don't treat, when you don't cheat, the process and the purpose becomes clear, then you're able to thrive in and the low hanging fruit is just that much sweeter. And I think that your family dynamic, where you are, I think just your spirit, your spirit, is unbroken. There are a lot of people who didn't experience what you experienced at eight years old, leaving the trauma that you endured. A lot of people are walking around unable to unpack that unable to take the backpack off.
Speaker 2:So to sit here and to hear you one, have the strength to share your story. Two, to be able to compartmentalize it and still walk and say this is who I am, this is where I am, this is why this is who. That's a powerful thing and I don't want you to miss open, miss. You know. I don't want to glance over that, because I believe in giving credit where credit is due, because we have so much negativity in this world. But I'm sitting here listening even though I knew the story and in the back of my mind I'm like come on, come. I'm sitting here listening even though I knew the story and in the back of my mind I'm like come on, come on, get a chair put it out there.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2:But it's exciting and it's just reassuring to say that the family dynamic and the structure it has a place and it can it, can it, it's, it's amazing, that's all I can say, because that distance did not impact the love that your dad had for you.
Speaker 3:At all.
Speaker 2:And the fact that who God put him with was preparation for you coming into this.
Speaker 3:She needed that too. She needed that too.
Speaker 2:To not be able to needed.
Speaker 3:that too, it was heaven for sure, absolutely, absolutely. It's like we all kind of need each other. Like you said, people are placed in certain situations and you know, johnny, we've known each other a long time and you've seen how much I've grown from our first time meeting up until now. You know what I mean. Golly, yes, I met you, uh, pregnant with my 19 year old son is. So I've come a long way and I've had people that have helped me along the way. You know you and your family as well. So I, you know this, but my husband is an awesome person. It's like different things and it now allows me to tell my story without getting all. Not that getting emotional is a horrible thing, but I never would have been able to tell this story without a lot of cuss words and um.
Speaker 2:So she was a cusser when I first met her it's the bar life.
Speaker 3:I'll blame it on the it's all good.
Speaker 1:Everybody's always under construction, that's for sure, absolutely so let me ask this.
Speaker 2:Let me ask this question how, knowing your story, knowing the non-traditional family part, how did that impact you and Tony, you and your husband? Okay, tony, my husband From your standpoint, because you can't speak for him, but from your standpoint how you approached it, or just give us a little bit of insight.
Speaker 3:I think because he was born and raised with his mother, who is his number one fan, and vice versa. However, he did not have a father in his life and I came from a family and he had three brothers and a sister, and I grew up in only child with both of my parents, but his family was that dynamic is just different for a lot of different reasons. I don't know if it's a, if it's a, how well, a lot of of it was how I was raised, but that's how he, at the end of the day, I guess um, I don't know how to say this, I don't know. I know he loves me and, no matter what I was going through or am still currently going through, you know he's there.
Speaker 2:Let me ask it a different way Do you think that how you were raised and some of the things that you saw did it impact some of the decisions that you made, as you all were evolving in your marriage journey and relationships?
Speaker 3:Absolutely Okay. Absolutely Okay, he was. We're able to work together in like. Okay, I see where you're coming from. I can back off a little bit or be more you know, whatever it involves. Yeah, absolutely. But if he didn't know me or my story, he would probably still feel the same way about I don't know, I'm not going to. I don't have too many examples to give. I don't want to be too personal.
Speaker 2:That's fine. And again, my reason, my reasoning for asking that question, is because a lot of times we don't like to deal with the why, why we respond to certain things, the motivation behind our choices and actions, certain things, the motivation behind our choices and actions, and you have to understand that how we as individuals grow up, what we're exposed to, it shapes our lens, it shapes our expectations, it shapes how we respond. So I wanted to just ask that blanket question. And again, it goes to your maturity in your journey of how you're able to see yeah, it did impact us and to be able to articulate your story to your sibling, one of the things Lisa and I are going to do we're going to have our siblings on I mean our significant others on to kind of talk about you know us.
Speaker 2:Okay you know us, okay, you know. So that brings a whole different dynamic, because now you have an audience of those who are married to individuals that have non-traditional family relationships. Yes, and we are different, we respond differently yes you know we don't always like to admit it, but at the root cause of it it's different. Yes, it's different.
Speaker 3:I will say I did take tony to north dakota a couple of times. I mean, that's where I was born and I do still have, you know, biological family there, and he went there with the whole. You know, these people hurt my wife and why would you know? But I want to see him. And then he got to know them and it's like okay, wait, no, it was the woman that gave birth to her that hurt her. These are her family. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:And so things kind of changed a little bit with with that, in addition to going to north dakota from virginia is a culture shock period.
Speaker 2:I do want to ask a question, and if it's off limits, please say so okay the last trip that you took to north dakota can? You can you just share your thought process as you went to that trip?
Speaker 3:So the last OK, the last trip that I went to North Dakota was, golly, I guess about four years ago the woman that gave birth to me passed away. I got a phone call from one of my brothers that says she's in intensive care, she's been, she's called, she's brain dead, she's not going to make it, they're just waiting for her to go. Basically, and then him, his brother and their father left the hospital and left her by herself.
Speaker 1:Wow, Until she passed yeah.
Speaker 3:Until she passed. Had I known that, I would have gone out there. I mean, we weren't the best of friends, but at the end of the day she gave birth to your mother Right.
Speaker 3:Exactly so. Um, but she died, like in the winter time. And um, because she would. I guess the man that she's married to doesn't believe in any sort of life after death, or you know, once you're gone, you're gone, so what's the point of me doing anything? He cremated her and basically said I don't, I don't need her, you know. So one of her brothers and sister in law went and picked up her ashes, took them to North Dakota and when the weather, it's very cold in North Dakota in the wintertime, so when the ground thawed, we went out there. My husband and my father actually went out to North Dakota and buried her ashes with the rest of the crew Family, yeah, her family and um, it was interesting, we were all there and nobody wanted to say anything, um, but my dad did, it was really, and it was very, you know, he said nice things and it was like, oh, okay, and then we all went out to eat.
Speaker 3:I mean, it's very odd. I can't talk about my mother passing away without me getting teary-eyed because I'm nowhere near ready for that day, or my father. However, that woman that gave birth to me is just that. I mean, I don't mean it in a rude or disrespectful way at all. We were very respectful. We buried her ashes with her father, who was her, you know her favorite person. She was mad that I was a daddy's girl. He's a girl, so is she, you know. But anyways and um, my husband was a very strong rock, you know, I think, for both me and my dad. I don't know not that my dad was, you know whatever, but just responsible and respectful. This is where I get this from. Is my father and of, and you who met my mother in a hospital room, I mean, you see where I get it from, the people that raised me.
Speaker 2:So I would encourage you. You don't have to apologize for your truth. You made peace long before she transitioned and thank you, thank you for being transparent and sharing that piece of the story. I just I think that that brings a I don't want to say a bow, but it brings a full circle to the story that you've shared, because here it is Everything that happened in the beginning and at the end. You and your dad went back and still honored her, even though one could say she didn't deserve this. That's irrelevant to life. Because of who you all are. You did the right thing because it was the right thing to do. Even to hear you say if I had known that she was by herself, I would have and I know you would have.
Speaker 2:Not a doubt, knowing you, I know you would have and just thank you for being transparent and being vulnerable in this space because you didn't have to share it. I just, I hope that even hearing your story, it encourages somebody to say you know what I dot, dot, dot. Whatever it may be, because even I'm listening and, like I said, I know the story and it's just like I have a smile and a appreciation for your journey, for my journey, and it's like Lisa's journey how you never know how your story impacts somebody else, how what you're going through unlocks opportunities for For others to heal. Absolutely, because I guarantee you, somebody that's listening to us is having difficulty with a sibling, I mean a parent who may be transitioning or maybe getting older, and I'm not going to do such and such, but to be able to have that peace of mind, one thing my mom used to tell me she was like treat me right while I'm here, don't be crying over me, I should have could have, did have once I'm gone.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You know. So it's forgiveness is not for the person, it's for you. Yes, you know, that's one thing that I've learned, you know. So just to hear your strength on that, this, this, oh my gosh, it's amazing.
Speaker 1:I mean, you are a strong, strong, strong woman, strong woman.
Speaker 2:And your life's journey made you that way, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And I just wanted to say real quick it's interesting how your mom today is a white woman, because you still needed that peace in your life, because you are biracial, so you still needed that in your life. Yes, so he gave you that Uh-huh yes.
Speaker 3:So he gave you that? Yes, so he gave you that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, as you were talking about it's like wow, because she's you still grew up in that dynamic right I'm having a white mother and a black father. You still grew up in that same dynamic, because you needed to. You needed to have.
Speaker 3:I needed to yeah, because I would probably have a very much hatred um, oh yeah, I didn't even think about I know that's not a, that's a terrible.
Speaker 1:No, no, but that's true, that's true that's true, because your experience with a white woman was so devastating and so hard so hard, yes that you was able to see really the beauty of the other part of who you are.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, good point, thanks, yes, I believe that for sure, definitely for sure. It's so funny. I will say, I know. At the beginning of the story I said there were two and a half Black children in this elementary school. I will say, yes, in this elementary school. I will say, yes, I am a Black woman. I am not a half Black woman. I just want to Now, when I was under the age of eight, I was only half, but have you seen school days yet? Yeah, oh my gosh, yes.
Speaker 1:You just now seen school days in your recent years.
Speaker 2:So let me give you the backdrop yeah, please explain when we were working together. February would come around and I would say Trina, have you seen? I'm not even going to expose the movies, but I would ask. And she was like no, I haven't. I was like what, I was like yo, for real, you're done.
Speaker 1:And I gave her a complete assignment.
Speaker 2:I said I need you to watch this, this, this and this Exactly. Well, I've watched this. Does this count? I said no, that was on MTV, that doesn't count.
Speaker 3:Yes, oh my gosh. So you sound like Tony. Yes, I've watched lots of movies.
Speaker 1:OK, awesome, there are key movies that you have to watch.
Speaker 3:Yes, oh, both of you sound like my husband.
Speaker 1:In order for you to maintain your black heart, you have to watch a cookbook.
Speaker 2:Hey, you get invited to the cookout. You got to be ready.
Speaker 3:For sure I'm a lot better. First of all, tony wasn't having that Okay, so, like on date nights, we would sit and watch. You know harlem nights, it doesn't matter. We were watching a movie, okay, where I needed to understand what was going on. We talked about a movie. If it came out in the 80s I probably didn't see it, and if it was rated r I didn't see it until I became an. We don't have to talk about in the late nineties, early two thousands.
Speaker 2:All right, here we go. May is the question.
Speaker 1:Oh, here we go.
Speaker 2:What's your? Grits? Sugar or salt and pepper? Don't answer wrong. You eat cream and wheat, don't you?
Speaker 1:No, you don't eat grits.
Speaker 2:Porridge.
Speaker 3:No, oh, and let me tell. Let me also tell you, since you want to go there, I don't like pumpkin pie, but I don't like sweet potato pie either.
Speaker 2:You got raisins in your potato salad, oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:I just said I'm a black woman To the no you about to have me c a cousin on a podcast now We'll be doing that now.
Speaker 2:It's all good. It's all good. So look, before we wrap up, at least you brought up a great nugget about God giving her the mother that she has now in order to help her, not even knowing.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:Trina, as we close, what do you want people to walk away from as a result of hearing your story?
Speaker 3:I want people to try to get help. As far as talk to people talk to people that you trust your village really has to be help to to. As far as talk to people, talk to people that you trust your village really has to be some strong people. I have strong people in my village. Johnny, you were part of my village. I mean you definitely were. I wasn't over it all yet, but I mean that's really what it is. I talked my way through and I put my parents helped me. I don't really know. Don't hold it against your children, if you have children, or your spouse if you know they had things that were better or worse than your upbringing. We all have different upbringings. But I don't know and I don't want to say forgive and forget. I'm not saying that I forgave that woman, but I'm not mad at her anymore.
Speaker 3:And honestly, I have made peace, and if I wasn't I don't want to say that people should be, but if I wasn't raised like that the first eight years and my parents didn't fix me, I wouldn't be the person that I am. Like, all of that falls into who I am today.
Speaker 1:Yep, yep, awesome.
Speaker 2:Nothing else need to be said after that. Nothing else. That's the nugget.
Speaker 1:Drop the mic.
Speaker 2:Yes, so you know how we close out. So you know, I'll say my name, I'm adopted. Lisa will say her name I saw, I'm adopted. And then Trina, you can say your name, and then you can say I wish I was. And here's the thing.
Speaker 3:Soon you will be. Yes, yes, okay, yes, I'm down with that.
Speaker 2:So again, we want to thank you for investing time and listening, taking some time to listen to our non-traditional stories about relationships. Please like us on all platforms where you can find podcasts. Trina normally listens to the podcast, so Prior to, she was like are people going to see me? I was like yeah. She was like oh, I've never seen it. I always listen to it while I'm delivering mail. Whatever platform you're able to catch us on, please like, share. If something in this discussion was beneficial to you, it unlocked something. Just send us a nugget, send us a note, subscribe official to you.
Speaker 1:It unlocks something. Just hey, send us a nugget, send us a note and subscribe.
Speaker 2:Please subscribe, trina. Thank you so much for being willing to come out and jump on this podcast with us. It has been a joy.
Speaker 1:Thanks for having me, yeah.
Speaker 2:So on that note, anything closing Lisa, before, before we close it out.
Speaker 1:No, I think we've said enough for today. I think this was awesome. This was really awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this was amazing. So I'm John and I'm adopted.
Speaker 1:And I'm Lisa and I'm adopted.
Speaker 3:And I'm Trina and I wish I was adopted, but I will be soon.
Speaker 2:Thank you all so much. Please like and subscribe us. Have a great evening.
Speaker 1:Until next time, bye-bye.
Speaker 2:Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted podcast. We hope that this was informative and educational. You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook at so I'm Adopted. Also, subscribe to our YouTube channel so I'm Adopted. And again, thank you for listening and until next time, make the choice to begin your healing journey.
