Discovering that you're adopted can be like opening a book mid-story; you scramble to piece together the narrative that led you here. Our podcast, "So I'm Adopted," is that space where the adoption narrative unfolds, where stories of emotional complexity within adoptive families, biological parents, and adoptees heal and connect us. Adoptees often wander between identities and relationships, and it is through the raw honesty of their stories that we unearth the importance of acceptance and maintenance in these unique bonds. Join us as we share tales from Manchester to Hampton and beyond, inviting you to reflect on the power of relationships in shaping who we are.
The journey of understanding adoption doesn't stop at the personal; it ripples through every layer of our lives, influencing how we perceive and engage with the world. This podcast episode doesn't shy away from the complexities, whether it's the impact of non-traditional relationships on adoptive communities or how past traumas might shadow our present realities. It's a candid exploration of how being raised in one environment can wholly affect one's approach to marriage and family life. As your host, I interlace my anecdotes with insights from professionals, prioritizing emotional intelligence and patience as cornerstones for nurturing change in those we love.
Through the lens of my own story, as someone who didn't discover their adoption story until later in life, we navigate the delicate process of sharing vulnerabilities and fostering transparency. The episode unfolds with tales of unexpected family revelations and the transformative potential of love, patience, and nurturing. Every adoption story holds a unique significance, and we're here to amplify these voices, encouraging our listeners to seek understanding and healing in their narratives. Get ready to connect deeply with a community that celebrates the strength found in our shared vulnerabilities.
Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood
Tell us your story or leave a comment by following us on
IG soimadoptedpod
FB so.i'm adopted
Youtube SO...I'M ADOPTED
Email soimadopted@gmail.com
Discovering that you're adopted can be like opening a book mid-story; you scramble to piece together the narrative that led you here. Our podcast, "So I'm Adopted," is that space where the adoption narrative unfolds, where stories of emotional complexity within adoptive families, biological parents, and adoptees heal and connect us. Adoptees often wander between identities and relationships, and it is through the raw honesty of their stories that we unearth the importance of acceptance and maintenance in these unique bonds. Join us as we share tales from Manchester to Hampton and beyond, inviting you to reflect on the power of relationships in shaping who we are.
The journey of understanding adoption doesn't stop at the personal; it ripples through every layer of our lives, influencing how we perceive and engage with the world. This podcast episode doesn't shy away from the complexities, whether it's the impact of non-traditional relationships on adoptive communities or how past traumas might shadow our present realities. It's a candid exploration of how being raised in one environment can wholly affect one's approach to marriage and family life. As your host, I interlace my anecdotes with insights from professionals, prioritizing emotional intelligence and patience as cornerstones for nurturing change in those we love.
Through the lens of my own story, as someone who didn't discover their adoption story until later in life, we navigate the delicate process of sharing vulnerabilities and fostering transparency. The episode unfolds with tales of unexpected family revelations and the transformative potential of love, patience, and nurturing. Every adoption story holds a unique significance, and we're here to amplify these voices, encouraging our listeners to seek understanding and healing in their narratives. Get ready to connect deeply with a community that celebrates the strength found in our shared vulnerabilities.
Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood
Tell us your story or leave a comment by following us on
IG soimadoptedpod
FB so.i'm adopted
Youtube SO...I'M ADOPTED
Email soimadopted@gmail.com
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk everything adoption. This journey is not one we take alone. Together we grapple with raw emotions that surface from adoption stories. We want you to be comfortable enough to heal, so sit back and go with us on this journey as we dive deep into adoption.
Speaker 1:Welcome to another episode of.
Speaker 2:So I'm.
Speaker 1:Adopted. We wanted to create a space for adoption's truths to be shared. We have a common bond between the two of us. However, our stories are very, very different, completely different, completely. We are the space where we feel that we'll give everybody an opportunity to have meaningful conversations, listen to our conversations and try to encourage other people to listen, and hopefully this will give some type of comfort to others to want to come and share their stories with us.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. This podcast is where we'll hear adoption stories from other adoptees adoptive parents, biological families. We will also have input from licensed professionals such as psychologists, social workers, and get a deeper understanding of adoption in the journey. Hopefully, these stories and perspectives will give hope and understanding and even some courage to those who have an adoption story or even thinking about adopting.
Speaker 2:While you know, the whole time we want to make sure that there's levels of reconciliation, acceptance and maintenance. Those are the things that we identified as part of the adoption journey and those are some things that we're going to consistently anchor in when we highlight them on our podcast. So we're just excited to have this platform and excited that you all have been joining us and giving us encouragement, as we are vulnerable with this, because this is not an easy task, you know, especially in our culture, our families. We don't talk about the certain things, and I put things because, you know, families have secrets and we're at a point now where we want to bring to life and talk about them from a healthy perspective. So we encourage you, you know, hit that like button, share it and subscribe, because we're going to have some very great dialogues.
Speaker 1:Yes, we're going to laugh, we're going to cry a little bit of everything during these episodes.
Speaker 2:So please share, like, subscribe and leave a comment yeah leave us a comment, because there will be spaces for other stories. We don't want to be the only ones here talking. There will be a season where we'll go live so that we can get feedback from individuals. The amount of feedback that we've gotten so far is amazing.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Before we even get to the feedback, we want to give you a little backstory of how this came about. So, Lisa, I'm going to put you on the spot of how this came about.
Speaker 1:Oh, well, I guess, since it was my brainchild. Yeah, maybe a couple of years ago and we were doing a crew function.
Speaker 2:Right, we were doing a function and I was like John, you need to do a podcast.
Speaker 2:And I was totally against it. I was initially. I was like I don't have time and nobody wants to hear our story. That was my mindset, but it has been complete opposite, with you pushing and being consistent of no, we need to get our story out. I think in the two weeks that we've been up, the rewards or the fruits of our labor have been amazing, just with the little nuggets of people drawing to the stories and the different commonalities. One thing that I think we have identified is that we had a mindset that the podcast would be one thing, but ultimately what we've identified is it deals with non-traditional relationships.
Speaker 1:Yes, it does. I definitely agree with you.
Speaker 2:And I think that relationships is something that everybody in the world has to deal with on one platform or another. And then there are oftentimes that those of us who are in the adoptive world, we don't really know how we fit in those dynamics and those narratives. So part of what we want to do is take the ownership of our narratives in a healthy space, and that's why we want to have some professionals. So if you're a professional and you have some resources for us, please send us an email at gmailcom, leave a comment on YouTube or Spotify, apple, whichever platform you're using, because, again, it takes a village and that is not just for little kids, even for adults. It takes a village to be supported.
Speaker 1:It does. You ain't saying that little word right there.
Speaker 2:Indeed. So let's what we didn't do in the first two episodes, because this is our third episode. What we didn't do is kind of tell you who we are.
Speaker 1:So who are you? So who am I?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:How'd you know who I was?
Speaker 2:I know who I am. They don't know who you are.
Speaker 1:So you know just a little bit background for me. I'm married with three kids. I'm originally from obviously from New Jersey. I've mentioned that before A small town called Manchester With now I found out that it's an actual city, because that wasn't a city back when.
Speaker 2:I was there, it was a township, Township.
Speaker 1:So we didn't have. You know, our address would always say another city other than Manchester. So we've grown over the years.
Speaker 2:So y'all had like a pig and that you did have a pig.
Speaker 1:I did not have a pig. I did not have a big pig.
Speaker 2:But the town had a pig.
Speaker 1:The town did not have a pig. Okay, that's because it says garden state Doesn't mean there's farms everywhere.
Speaker 2:I didn't know. Now we know.
Speaker 1:So let me tell you, we're Manchester, so you kind of had an idea. So you know the show Jersey Shore.
Speaker 2:I've heard of it, never watched it. Sorry, I've never watched it.
Speaker 1:Snooky or something like that. Snooky, there it is and the situation.
Speaker 2:What situation?
Speaker 1:That's his name. One of the people on that, anywho.
Speaker 2:Nope.
Speaker 1:I lived in that area.
Speaker 2:Okay, were they there, like did you go to school with them?
Speaker 1:No, I don't even think they lived in that area. They just did the show there, so I don't think they're really from the area. Yeah, that's like a stomping ground. Seaside Heights is a stomping ground for.
Speaker 2:So inserts, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:Just for, I think MTV or whatever Gotcha Not that I've ever watched it, just putting that out there. I just never did it. But, I know of the place.
Speaker 2:The claim to fame.
Speaker 1:Yes, all right. So yeah, I grew up there and I went to college at Hampton, the Hampton University.
Speaker 2:Say so, say so what.
Speaker 1:H-U and I got married and I haven't left this Virginia state since then.
Speaker 2:So I have a question With you being adopted and it's just a yes or no, we're going probably another episode. Do you think your adoption had a impact on your viewpoint or lens of marriage?
Speaker 1:Yes, okay, oh, absolutely Okay. Yeah, we can get into that later, but yeah.
Speaker 2:And the reason I ask. That was part of one conversation of feedback I got. Somebody was talking about how their significant other being adopted impacted their marriage and how they viewed things, and I have my own biases as well. Like I said, we'll have a whole conversation. I think we have to be truthful in how our past experiences impact how we interact and how we view situations.
Speaker 1:Yes, but we got to keep in mind I was married for years before I even knew I was adopted. However, because of the influence of the environment that I grew up in, my perspective and view of what a marriage was, that's what I was always chasing after. Because of what I've seen, Okay. You know now, if I was in my you know, actual biological family, my real life sort of speak, my view may be different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1:But the marriages that I saw in front of me were marriages that I wanted.
Speaker 2:There you go.
Speaker 1:That makes sense.
Speaker 2:It makes perfect sense, it makes perfect sense.
Speaker 1:So it in a way, yes, it did Not without me knowing the truth. It's still influencing me, Gotcha.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 1:So what about you?
Speaker 2:Where you hail from. I hail from Richmond, Virginia, Been in the Hampton Roads area which is in Virginia that's considered your Newport News, Hampton, Williamsburg, that whole area, Hampton Roads. I've been here since 94, went to the Hampton University.
Speaker 2:Say it again the Hampton University and I never left after college, started working in education, started coaching and never left this area. My wife she graduated from Hampton University as well. Say it again, she graduated from Hampton University as well. So we are a Hampton family and you know my adoption journey. You gotta go back to episode two so you can hear it. I've known since I was about six or seven years old that I was adopted, so that has always been in my subconscious. I just didn't know at such a young age that that was impacting how I view things.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying. So it was having an impact, but I didn't have the ability to articulate, nor did I have the emotional intelligence to understand. This is why I respond this way.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, I was gonna ask you that question, since you knew so early. Did you feel that and I don't know how much of understanding you had of adoption, like you know did you feel like, oh, maybe I need to make sure I, you know, act right, because maybe they may send me back, or you know? Did you feel like you were special than your friends or your cousins or you know other family, because of you were adopted? How did you feel?
Speaker 2:I never had the mindset of being sent back. That was never, because I was always there Like I didn't have somewhere else, and then I was uprooted and planted. So it was always this is my family nucleus. I did have moments where I questioned well, I'm different, so do I really fit in Because I didn't have the same bloodline? But that wasn't because of lack of love, that wasn't because of lack of support and understanding. They did everything, above and beyond, to make sure that I was part of that, you know family. So I really I didn't lack in that regard and I think we have to really put on the table that our stories, we're blessed in our story.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely. There are a lot of stories that people don't have.
Speaker 2:You know, a positive. I'm just not even gonna say a positive ending, just a positive, because there's so many narratives with non-traditional relationships and again we stand representing a small window of what adoption looks like. This is why we need you all to help us give us your stories, give us your feedback. Like I said, send us comments, send us stories. We are inviting people. We already have two people that we're gonna be bringing on in the next couple of episodes that wanna share their stories. And again, every story is individualized and we wanna create a culture of support so that now we can have a voice and we can begin our healing journey that healing is a choice.
Speaker 1:And we don't wanna just have, you know, I guess, feel good stories that ends. You know, like we said, we're blessed, but not everybody was fortunate enough to be in a family that loved them as our parents loved us, very unconditionally. So we wanna hear those stories as well. We wanna be able to help them. We wanna be able to, you know, let them get through that. You know, because we're about the acceptance, the reconciliation and the maintenance of moving forward. That's because there's stories out there that and well, there are stories that's out there that don't end well and they still struggle. So we wanna be there to help them, be that catalyst for them to move forward in a healthy way, anything that we can do to help them. That's our goal. That's our goal.
Speaker 2:And then we will be vulnerable. This is a vulnerable moment. So I'm gonna ask a question, lisa, now that you've done the first episode and you gotta go back and look at, because she told her story in the first episode of her adoption journey and then I told mine in the second. So when we jumped in and we did this, like I said, it was a organic conversation. How did you feel after you told your story?
Speaker 1:I felt relieved.
Speaker 2:Why relieved?
Speaker 1:Because telling your story your journey to the masses is, and being transparent, that's big. That's huge. You know. It's like you know. Once my episode was released, it felt like you know, I took the band-aid off, I pulled the band-aid off and it is what it is.
Speaker 2:So you didn't have any interpretation. No, unreadiness.
Speaker 1:Oh, I was stressed.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, all right, let's be honest.
Speaker 1:I was anxious, I was nervous, I just didn't know how. Not necessarily you know people I don't know, but people I do know, people that are within my immediate family. You know my siblings, my you know cousin's family, and I've mentioned before my father was one of 11 kids, so I have a lot of cousins and aunts and all that stuff, a lot of family. So just a nervousness of how they would, you know, receive it and I didn't say anything. That wasn't my truth. I spoke my truth, how I felt about it, you know, but that wasn't what I received. As far as comments, you know, when I got some feedback, oh, and we can dive into that later on, but the feedback was nothing what I had envisioned in my head. That it may be. You know what I'm saying. So that was the nervousness, the anxiousness, before I hit it. I know I didn't tell you, I just tried to, you know, deal with it for myself. And you know, because there's many times, you know, because I was kind of procrastinating and pushing it off.
Speaker 1:pushing it off and you know you go and make a long stay and I'm like, oh, okay, we're doing this. But I needed that, you know, because again I still had that fear, that nervousness of you know, of how is everybody going to accept it, you know, are they not gonna like it? They're like why are you doing this?
Speaker 2:you know, but it's interesting to hear you say that, because while we were in the planning stages, even after recording the first episode, I never picked up on that fear element. Oh, yeah, it was and I'll be honest, it was by design that you told your story first. I was very intentional of yeah, push you out there.
Speaker 1:At least you do your thing.
Speaker 2:And I will tell you. After yours came out and we started to get some traction and the feedback and people were saying her story was amazing and they had questions because there was some things and dots you didn't connect. But then the next statement was so I can't wait to hear your story. And it put a pressure on me and I'm trying to figure out why because, again, I've been having this story for 40 plus years and I've told it. It's been no secret but, like you said, now I'm putting it out there to the masses, in a position where I'm trying to help others in addition to helping myself. But it's a vulnerable moment because I was concerned of, if I tell my truth, how will it impact A, b and C.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly, and even years later, I still have that, I'm gonna say, security blanket, but that protection mode, because it is my story, but there are others that are impacted by my story. Absolutely, and I think, well, I can't speak for everybody. Again, like I said, we represent a small, small dynamic, but for me, yeah, I own the story, but I still feel accountable to the other players in the game, if I can just be honest.
Speaker 1:That's how I felt.
Speaker 2:And I would be curious, maybe somebody again who's a professional licensed counselor of some sort. Maybe there is a connection or something of what that is. Give us the language, so please reach back out to us with that.
Speaker 1:But I'm glad that we pushed each other and moved forward and we didn't stand our fear, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that there is freedom in transparency.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Because it's like the toothpaste Once you squeeze it out of the tube, you can't put it back in. So at this point we're out there and we're getting traction and it's rolling, so I'm excited about it. So what type of feedback did you get? Let's start there.
Speaker 1:So there's a lot of feedback that I received Just so many from various people and through the stages of my life, and one of the comments was you were definitely loved. You and your mom had a special relationship that they always was in awe of, With my dad and my mom being who they were. People saw that and they saw the genuineness that they had for me and my brother. It wasn't, like you know, it was a some people like a payday or whatever for the financial part of it. It wasn't that at all. Bigs knew love to us and we were her pride and joy. He was pride, I was joy. Haven't really figured out why she didn't call me joy.
Speaker 1:But that's another day for another time. But you know what? Before my real name, that my biological mother gave me is Audra.
Speaker 2:Audra.
Speaker 1:Audra. So I'm not Audra Audra. Well, she likes A's, cause my sisters biological sisters names begin with A's as well. Audra, okay, audra, audra, yeah, that was the name that she would have given me.
Speaker 2:So let me ask this what was the most surprising piece of feedback that you got?
Speaker 1:The most surprising feedback that I received was my cousin. He's on my mother's side, on my adopted mother's side, and he spent a lot of time with her when he was growing up and he just gave me quite a bit of insight that I wasn't aware of. I was too young to remember. And just even talking about the, you know, in my story I referenced adoptive brother that I had. That was constant. Everybody else was probably in and out, in and out, but he was always constant. He was there before I was there, and so I mentioned to him how you know he came from most likely abusive family.
Speaker 1:I wasn't sure about his backstory but my cousin filled me in and it just gives testament to the love that my parents had for me and my brother and for him Because, apparently, based on what my cousin mentioned, that he was really in a situation to where he would like really really abuse in the manner of. You know, he thought that my cousin thought he was slow and then the behaviors that he did that he were was you know expressing, but my mom would say, you know, look at him kind of stern, like, don't say that. Or you know he's like, but he's acting like and she was like no, there's nothing wrong with him.
Speaker 1:She wanted to protection she wanted to protection mode and she knew that there was nothing wrong with him. He just needed love. He just needed love and nurturing. So one of the examples that my cousin had mentioned was one day my mom told him to go upstairs and help him get into. You know, the bathroom's in there for a long time. So he goes in there. He's like you know what are you doing? Why aren't you not in the bathtub? You know, he said you need to get in the bathtub and he wouldn't move. So he puts his hand in the water and the water's like ice cold. This is like dead of winter. He's like why are you, you know, taking the bathroom in the cold water? He's like well, I wasn't allowed to use the hot water.
Speaker 2:So he had generalized that abuse into the new setting.
Speaker 1:Into the new setting because that takes time to get out of that. You know like that's like, so TSC.
Speaker 2:I was about to say so. You think about it. And again, I think this is why our stories are so positive. I mean so positive and productive because he took a past hurt that was a lived experience, transferred it into a new environment. Right, that's the same thing that happens in relationships. Now We'll have some negative or some averse of things that will take place, and then that new person that we connect with, they ultimately have to pay the price for what we had to deal with previously. You know what I'm saying. So I think that it's just the cycle of various behaviors repeats itself, and it gives us an opportunity to really start dissecting who we are and why we are the way that we are. You know that to me is a pivotal moment where I'm somewhere totally new but I'm still mentally paralyzed in that same setting, because you don't know anything different.
Speaker 1:So when she was given him love, and I'm sure it took a minute for his mind to change and to be free, you know what I'm saying. And I'm not even telling you how my cousin really described the environment and the abuse of behavior that he had to endure. You know what I'm saying. But he said it's like a miracle that my mom and dad was able to change him, his mindset, his behavior, everything, to where you know, by the time that he was older, by the time that you know that I can remember that he was there, he was normal. I never knew any of this, so he was normal. So to the point where you know, if he had lived, he died when he was 18. If he had lived and I mentioned that in the episode one he would probably have been a productive citizen, you know, with a decent life, versus the previous life that he grew up in.
Speaker 2:So, interestingly enough, and again, as I'm, as you're talking, I'm just getting different angles, because now when you talk about you, take somebody out of one environment, you know, can you really change somebody? Think about it. And again, that's not necessarily us to answer, because I think it's individualized, I think there's so many other variables, but it goes back to that relationship piece where somebody comes in with a set of expectations and a set of beliefs but now they're exposing something totally different. Do the individuals in that new environment have the patience, have the emotional intelligence?
Speaker 2:the capacity to deal with it, to help change that behavior, because in order to change it you have to replace it with something more appropriate, and then they have to understand that. You know what I see the benefit and the good in that. So now I'm motivated to change, you know. So I think again. That's from a more clinical standpoint of understanding behavior. But I'm just excited because there's so many different layers.
Speaker 1:So many different layers, these discussions of it. And I say I bring that example up because it just gives a an example of what type of people who raised me you know. So I just use that because I thought that was a really good example and he just really commends them on what they did with him. That same behavior, that same love, that same nurturing is what they gave to my brother and I, and that's why she and one of my know who we really were, because we were her children.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's, absolutely that's awesome yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you the feedback from me, the like wow. I got a response from a family member who knew the story and her text I would never forget. She said wow, I listened to the podcast. First and foremost, I'm so proud that you all would be willing to be transparent, yeah. And then the next one was in all capital letters, I have questions. And I was like, okay, you know the story. It's nothing I didn't tell, but that to me was a encouragement and a confirmation.
Speaker 2:I had an uncle reach out to me and he said awesome, her cousin is about to adopt a young baby. So and it just I get touched my heart. I'm a big up, I'm a big, big advocate for adoption. In that regard, you know, because I recognize that our stories could have been different Prior to the podcast even being launched. You know, I reached out to my biological mom because I wanted to make sure that she would be okay with me telling this truth, even though it's my truth, right, and that respect for her, and her comment was tell you the truth. And it gave me the green light. And then afterwards she commended both of us for being willing to share our truth, you know. So the feedback has been amazing from individuals that I went to college with that I have adopted children. Some have your traditional families, but they still were able to glean from the stories you know and the comment was I would have never known.
Speaker 2:And I think that goes back to this stigmatism that I'm supposed to look a certain way because I'm a cop you know, I have a tag on me, let it on our forehead Right.
Speaker 2:And it's. We are contributing members to society. We just have a non-traditional background. Yes, you know, everybody's story is different. Yeah, we could do saker, click or something. Yeah, that's where we are. So, again, we want to make sure that this platform is a good one for dialogue, for truths, a safe space. We want to make sure and again, I continue to plea and encourage, if you are out there and you are a psychologist, a counselor, and you have any insight, there are conferences for adoptees. We didn't know that A whole community there's a community of adoptees, there's a community of counselors that have an adoption lens. Because we look at things from a different way, we don't always understand what it is, but that's why it's beneficial to go to a professional, so that you can understand and connect the dots.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, those adoption agencies. Anyone who works in that field, please, you know, shoot us an email, give us a comment. We'll be more than happy to have you guys on the podcast to give a, I guess, an outline as to the process of, from point A the point Z, of how that comes about with someone who decides to give up a child for adoption and what are the steps that are there.
Speaker 2:In addition to those adopted individuals that may want to find their biological family and don't know where to go, because that's a very emotional moment and unfortunately you got a lot of businesses and companies that will take advantage and prey on you to make you spend money that you might not necessarily have to spend Each state is different. We talked about our stories of how things went in New Jersey versus mine.
Speaker 2:I believe that the state of Virginia has made some changes recently to their laws. So we encourage you if you are, you know, an adoptee and you want to start that journey, start doing some research. Just start Googling before you, you know, reach out and spend money that you might not have to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and speaking of that, there's a lot of free things that you can get, and New Jersey has changed their laws as well, because we were a state that no adoptee, an adult, could even see their original birth certificate. At one point. You can get non-identifiable information, but you could never get your original birth certificate. Within the past, I guess maybe five, six years maybe I could be off on that, don't quote me but it's changed. Now you can get your original adoption records, which I did. Pursue that so you really don't need to spend money. You just need to know the right angles, because I wasn't going to spend money, but I had a friend that I spoke about in my episode the first episode that I had a private investigator in New Jersey. So a lot of you of the listeners wanted to know, well, what was the outcome of the private investigator. So she came back with nothing. So that's where I decided that I was brought on the black market.
Speaker 1:Because, I mean, listen, she didn't find anything. And then I had all of the documentation that I could possibly have of my parents, from naturalization paperwork, from birth certificates, report cards, you name it. I had when they bought the house where we grew up. In the receipt my father kept everything, but there was no adoption papers.
Speaker 2:What would you think it may have been a Holy Ghost hookup, Might have been a connection. Don't you say black market.
Speaker 1:They my mind thinks it was a black market. Okay, let me ask you this and look back then that was a thing. Oh, it's still a thing. I haven't gone away.
Speaker 2:So let me ask you this, though Do you think that you labeled it black market, too, as a coping mechanism, because you didn't have anything to fill in the blanks, so that was the closest thing that you could label?
Speaker 1:it and I'm a type of comical person so I'm always trying to find a humor in it and I think black market is funny.
Speaker 2:It's humorous. That's your story, you own it. If you can laugh about it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to laugh about it. Yeah, you laughed at it In our first episode we said parents are on the run.
Speaker 2:When you say black market, they needed some quick cash, but that's a whole different conversation. So, again, I'm going to put a challenge out to the individuals on the podcast. So again, we're here to have this platform and we've been transparent. What we want you to do, depending on if you are adopted, know somebody adopted. If you have a traditional family, whatever it may be, think about your relationships Because, at the end of the day, relationships are embedded in this world. Even if you say I'm by myself, you go to Amazon, you connect with somebody. Even if it's AI, you go to the grocery store, you connect with somebody. So there's always some type of relationship. If you're getting a check from somebody, somebody's sending you that check.
Speaker 1:So you're a postman.
Speaker 2:You got a relationship with him. Let him come late. It's going to be an issue. There'll be some furniture moving around here.
Speaker 2:So, think about the various relationships and why you look at relationships like you do. Remember, I asked you in your marriage did it shape your view? And yes, it did. I know in mine it shaped it and, like I said, we'll have a totally different episode where we'll talk about that, but we always want you to walk away with something when you watch our podcast and the first two we gave our stories transparency. So now that we have some groundwork and we told you who we are, now begins the choice to heal in your journey and not saying that we have all the answers because we don't. We don't.
Speaker 1:We just have to go through our own journey.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. We just have the license to be transparent and vulnerable, and you all get the benefit from it, as well as us. So think about your relationships, begin to take note of who you're in relationships with and why. You know that's a tough, that's a tough answer.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 2:And we really deal with. Because when you start really looking at that dynamic, why am I really continuing to be in a relationship with you? And I'm not talking about necessarily an intimate relationship. It may be a professional relationship, it may be a, you know, social relationship. So, as a whole, we want this to always be a platform that you're able to walk away with something. Yes, and in relationships will always be an anchor and what we talk about. So, if you listen to our stories today, you heard about our acceptance of us being adopted.
Speaker 2:Yes, we dibbled a little bit in the reconciliation, but we also go deep, dive into that and then the maintenance we're on the back end. So now there's that maintenance piece. Like Lisa said, you know she goes to comedy and she's created buzzwords to help her navigate that space. What have you done to maintain your sense of normalcy? That's another question to think about. That is you know it's it's.
Speaker 1:It's different.
Speaker 2:It's very different.
Speaker 1:It's different. I know, for me it's different because I have two older sisters. I grew up with no sisters, so that's a dynamic of a relationship that I have to try and navigate and understand.
Speaker 2:You didn't know anything about it. You know how to navigate.
Speaker 1:I don't know how to navigate.
Speaker 2:Mine as well. I grew up on the child and now I have siblings. So I don't understand how to navigate the space with a sibling cause growing up. You know, and I've heard cause I have two daughters that you know siblings argue. That's something they only say. I didn't argue by myself, there's nobody to argue with in my room, so I got mad, I just went to sleep. But to know now that that's a common thread, so and that didn't mean my siblings argue or anything, but just that unknown, because I have my lived experiences, they have their lived experiences. And now we're trying to meet and it's been very positive I'll be honest as we go back to that second episode and you'll hear a little bit about it but it's been positive for us to evolve. I think we've all grown and you know we just have a appreciation cause life is short.
Speaker 1:And mine is still evolving. That's what I can. I can it's a process Cause my brother and I never argued, so I still don't know how it is for siblings to argue. I don't even you know I have.
Speaker 2:Well, you seen your kids argue. Oh, I've seen my yeah, I've seen my kids, but you just haven't participated.
Speaker 1:I just haven't been a part of the argument. When it comes to siblings, gotcha, you know that's all new to me, okay, but yeah, my kids argue all the time, but they love each other, we love each other, but yeah, so those are. So the relationships is a dynamic one. I look forward to our dialogue when it comes to the different dynamics of relationships and the different levels. I have a younger brother too, okay that. So that's a totally different relationship that I'm trying to. You know weather and navigate through that.
Speaker 2:So so if there are any relationship coaches out there, we invite you, because I would be curious to hear what type of advice you would give someone who is an adoptee and their lens, and so this is an open space for that dialogue as well. So again, I can't put out there enough we want professionals to come into space, because going forward it's not going to just be us talking. We started it, now it's a community driven opportunity that we want you to take advantage of.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2:Anything you want to clear up before we land a plane.
Speaker 1:Yes, there's a few more little things. So in my episode we did talk about. You know, my husband was the one you know pretty much told me right, but we never really said exactly what was told to him to trigger him to feel that I was adopted.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So you know you, and I asked him directly. I sure did. And he said, he just said, he said who was she saying?
Speaker 2:I'm gonna need you to know what he said.
Speaker 1:He mentioned that. Yes, he said you know, I'm sorry, I'm you know when I spend a lot of time with Lisa, because I remember when they brought her home. But the thing was she said, because you know when they adopted her. So that was the sentence, the statement that he realized that I was adopted.
Speaker 2:That trigger.
Speaker 1:That's the trigger, that was it.
Speaker 2:And big up to him for having the insight to say, well, wait a minute, that's odd. And then you all having the type of relationship where he could have that conversation with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Cause there are a lot of people that probably would have just let it go over their head or had the mindset I ain't getting in that, hey, my business.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said what? Yeah, I don't believe you know, cause she, like I said, she had dementia back then. So he could have chalked it up to saying you know she had dementia. She don't know what you're talking about, but technically, when you have dementia, you speak the truth.
Speaker 2:That's right. So and what if he had just let it be? And then you know she transitions and then it never came out. Your story is totally different. Everybody plays a pivotal role in your journey. And I think we have to give credit for the positives, the aversive ones, all the dynamics, because they create who we are and our lives.
Speaker 1:Yes, because some people did go to the death not saying that. Right, and I feel that they wanted to but they just didn't have. But we can deep dive that at a later time. And another thing, and I guess it goes to that, but we're trying to land a plane and we can deep dive into this at another time. You know, my parents did die nine months to the day and the significance to that is my mother died on March 25th. My dad died December 25th. I met my biological mother for the first time. Seeing her face to face was on December 25th.
Speaker 2:Wow, so can I share something? So, since we've been like yeah. Today a year ago was the first time that my biological mom reached out to me.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:February 13th because my father had passed away. Yeah, she sent me a message on Facebook. That was the first time and I remember getting it and I lost my mind like oh my goodness, oh my goodness, and I could not type a response. Wow, february 13th.
Speaker 1:Today is the day.
Speaker 2:Today is the day, happy anniversary. I got the memory this morning. Happy anniversary, mom. I got the memory this morning and it like I had a little child moment because I could take ownership of that and celebrate. Yeah, you know so.
Speaker 1:We do go back to being a child and this whole. I don't care how old you are. You revert back to being a child when it comes to your biological family Easily. Mother, specifically the mother.
Speaker 2:Right. So again, we are excited for this journey. This is the third part, this is the third episode and again we need input from you all. Email us, leave us messages on YouTube like share, subscribe. Help us make this a meaningful platform for everybody.
Speaker 2:It's not just for adopted individuals, although we are proudly. We are proud of our adoptions and our stories. We take ownership of it. So that's why the title is so I'm Adopted. But we want to just have some meaningful conversations with relationships. So remember what we challenge you to do Start taking inventory of your relationships that are around you and the why yes, and then start thinking about why you look at things the way that you do. What have you gone through that have shaped your lens? Mm-hmm, you know. So again, please like share and subscribe.
Speaker 2:We are on Spotify. We're on Apple platform.
Speaker 1:All the platforms, all the platforms.
Speaker 2:Please let everybody know, download it, give us a like and we are excited to share.
Speaker 1:Share and be the vessel for you all. Absolutely, it's not about us, it's about you all, and we are just pleased and happy that we're able to bring this platform to you all. So I'm John and I'm Lisa, and until next time we're adopted, we're adopted.
Speaker 2:Thank y'all. Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted podcast. We hope that this was informative and educational. You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook at so I'm Adopted. Also subscribe to our YouTube page so I'm Adopted. And again, thank you for listening and until next time, make the choice to begin your healing journey.